It’s been almost three months since news broke that Riverdale sweethearts Lili Reinhart and Cole Sprouse had reportedly split up. Now, Reinhart is ready to talk, having opened up about the split, how she has been healing, and her upcoming projects (a book called Swimming Lessons and a film, Chemical Hearts) in a new interview with Refinery29.

At first, the breakup was like a “black tunnel [that] was never going to end,” Reinhart told the publication. “I couldn’t see the light. I was like, I feel like I’m dying. It was f*cking rough, and there’s no other way through it than just through it. I’ve seen a lot of people when it comes to heartache and grief and breakups, and they try to get that void filled with sex, with coke, with food, with drinking, [but] the void is still there. I took the road less traveled and just dealt with my shit. I had to face my own pain head-on.”

“The last couple of months have probably [been] the most emotional few months of my entire life,” she continued. “And my therapist [told] me, ‘Your body’s going through withdrawal from love. You’re used to having this exchange of happy chemicals between you and the person that you’re with.’ In moments of my life, I have dropped every ounce of pride that I had just to be like, ‘Love me. Please take the pain away for a day, a second, an hour, just so I can feel that fix again.’”

More nuanced details of her emotional journey are sure to surface with the upcoming release of Reinhart’s debut poetry book, Swimming Lessons, though the actor has cautioned fans not to read to deep into her poems for facts about her breakup. “I felt the need to write that because I was scared – and I am scared – that people are going to try and create their own idea of what my love life looked or looks like,” she said. “I’m not saying, My boyfriend fucked another woman. I’m saying, I felt betrayed.”

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