How to dress like an insider Aim for cute and comfy (like a silky blouse and cigarette pants à la Calvin Klein) for all 135 minutes of Lars von Trier’s Melancholia. Save the Hervé Léger bandage dress for the afterparty, where it’s all about standing around nonchalantly and looking pretty.

How to spot a celeb While most stargazers stake their claim outside old standby restos like Yorkville’s Sassafraz, take the savvier route and hit up the host hotel: the Hyatt Regency Toronto. Make like a guest and then play it cool when you’re sharing an elevator with Jon Hamm, who’s in town promoting Friends With Kids.

How to order a drink Instead of the signature cocktails rolled out at every festival—last year’s SKYY Berry Baruchel honoured Montreal’s own Jay Baruchel—reach for a local beer, like Ontario’s County Durham Hop Addict. (This is also a good way to avoid a brutal sugar hangover.)

How to get the TIFF experience in your living room Stuck in Red Deer, Alta.? Throw on your fanciest Slanket, pop some microwave popcorn (add truffle oil) and rent films from last year’s TIFF, like the Yves Saint Laurent documentary L’Amour Fou and the love/hate story Blue Valentine. Tweet your thoughts about these films incessantly: #partyinglikeitsTIFF2010

FILM-SPEAK 101

After seeing Tilda Swinton in We Need to Talk About Kevin
Real talk “Because of the Fug Girls, Tilda Swinton is eternally SWINTON to me.”
Poncy talk “Her performance was subtle yet powerfully layered, although I preferred her 2005 narration work in The Somme.”

After seeing A Dangerous Method
Real talk “Even with slicked-back hair and a waistcoat, Viggo Mortensen was still pretty hot, right?”
Poncy talk “Shall we discuss David Cronenberg’s representation of Jung and Freud’s complex and fragmented relationship?”

After seeing the U2 doc From the Sky Down
Real talk “Yup, that was pretty good!”
Poncy talk “I didn’t think anything could surpass the 3-D cinematography and magical-realism style of Werner Herzog’s Cave of Forgotten Dreams from last year’s fest.”

FILM-FEST PERSONALITIES

CANNES Strolls along the Croisette, flanked by Chanel and the Mediterranean Sea. Always prepped for paparazzi close-ups.
Likes Yachts, rosé wine, red carpets.

VENICE Wears stripes and talks about art before getting swept away in a May-December romance.
Likes Gondolas, Prosecco, opera.

SUNDANCE Bundled up in a puffy down jacket, ready to hit the slopes between premieres.
Likes Hot toddies, snow, Robert Redford.

TORONTO Friendly and Rita Liefhebber-clad but BlackBerry-addicted.
Likes Long lines, late-night poutine, films that go on to win Oscars.

ENTER TO WIN A TIFF SWAG BAG HERE