Sophie Turner is ready to talk about her divorce from Joe Jonas, from the feelings of alienation that contributed to their breakup to the public humiliation she endured after Jonas filed, as some reports tried to falsely portray her as a partier and irresponsible mother to their two daughters, now-3-year-old Willa and 1-year-old Delphine.

“I mean, those were the worst few days of my life,” Turner told British Vogue in a wide-ranging interview. “I remember I was on set, I was contracted to be on set for another two weeks, so I couldn’t leave. My kids were in the States, and I couldn’t get to them because I had to finish Joan. And all these articles started coming out. It hurt because I really do completely torture myself over every move I make as a mother—mom guilt is so real! I just kept having to say to myself, ‘None of this is true. You are a good mom, and you’ve never been a partier.’”

Turner was limited in what she could legally discuss about her and Jonas’ ongoing divorce case. She did touch on the reports that tried to portray her as a “wayward mother” though, as British Vogue put it.

“I mean, it’s unfathomable the amount of people that will just make shit up and put it up based on a picture,” she said. “A picture might tell a thousand words, but it’s not my story. It felt like I was watching a movie of my life that I hadn’t written, hadn’t produced, or starred in. It was shocking. I’m still in shock.”

“I’m not very good at processing my emotions. I lock them away and then they’ll bubble up in years to come in some form of depression or anxiety,” she added. Her role as Joan gave her an opportunity “to process those feelings,” she said.

She also praised those who defended her against the misogynistic coverage of her playing out in the media. “If something like this had happened to me 10 years ago I don’t think I would have had the same support,” she said. “I just feel very lucky to be alive in a time when people are open-minded. Thank fuck for Gen Z.”

 

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It was still an incredibly hard time, even with the support she received: “There were some days that I didn’t know if I was going to make it,” she said. “I would call my lawyer saying, ‘I can’t do this. I just can’t.’ I was just never strong enough to stand up for myself. And then, finally, after two weeks of me being in a rut, she reminded me that it was my children I was fighting for. Once anyone says to me, ‘Do it for your kids,’ I’m doing it. I wouldn’t do it for myself, but I’ll find the strength for them.”

While Turner didn’t share everything about her and Jonas’ breakup, she did address one factor that contributed it: her feelings of isolation in the U.S. The British actress discussed feeling alienated there and dependent on Jonas, who is six years older than her. When she was married and living in L.A. with him, “it was really surreal, like a fever dream. Because he was older than me, I just felt like I was really taken care of, to the point I came back home and didn’t know how to do anything for myself.”

She also addressed the experience of being in the Jonas family and her portrayal as a Jonas wife. “There was a lot of attention on the three brothers, and the wives,” she said. “Well, we were always called the wives, and I hated that. It was kind of this plus-one feeling. And that’s nothing to do with him—in no way did he make me feel that—it was just that the perception of us was as the groupies in the band.”

When the couple moved to Miami in 2021, the feelings of isolation just got worse. “We were in this community full of 50-year-old men, so imagine trying to make friends on the dog walk,” she said. “I just felt like a little bird trapped in a gilded cage. It was amazing, yes, but I didn’t have any friends there.” She also felt unnerved by U.S. politics, from the far too regular school shootings to women’s eroding reproductive rights in the country. “It all contributed to this feeling of I have to get out, I have to get out,” she said.

Her mental health greatly improved when she moved back to the U.K., and she hasn’t needed to take any medication for her depression and anxiety, even with her divorce case. She credited that to the support system she has at home: “I think the reason I was on medication for so long is because I didn’t have those people with me. Now that I’m back home, I’m actually the happiest I’ve been in a really long time. I’m starting over again, rediscovering what I like to do, who I like to be with.”

Her goal now is to build a healthy coparenting relationship with Jonas. “I’m unhappy with the way everything played out, especially when it comes to my children,” she said. “They’re the victims in all of this. But I think we’re doing the best we can. I’m confident that we can figure it out. Joe is a great father to our children and that’s all that I can ask for.”

“My dream is to have a huge Christmas where my daughters can have their dad there, Joe’s whole side of the family, their grandparents,” she added. “I don’t care about the politics, I just want the girls to feel loved and have everyone show up for them.”

This article originally appeared in ELLE US.

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