With all the modern ways to cheat, jealousy is on the rise. Can the green-eyed monster be tamed?
When I was nine, my parents enrolled me in leadership camp. At the top of the life-lesson list? Understanding other people’s feelings, which, our group leader Sprint told us, was the secret to winning trust and respect and the building block for all romantic relationships.
Flash-forward decades later: I was standing between my then boyfriend and another woman, who were engrossed in conversation while I stood mute, clutching a champagne flute, at a party. Cheeks reddening, I recalled Sprint’s words: “Partners must listen attentively to communicate effectively.” Staring at her hand resting on my boyfriend’s elbow, I had no doubt that this woman—who had yet to be introduced to me—was well schooled in listening skills. But my boyfriend? He had something to learn. When we left the party, I was furious and he was baffled. That night, I recognized what caused my painful niggles of jealousy: the deliberateness of my boyfriend’s behaviour. He might not have meant to upset me, but he sure meant to flirt.
Identifying the cause of jealousy flare-ups is more relevant than ever amid the explosion of seemingly endless ways to be unfaithful, from texting to IMing to Facebooking. (See “I [Heart] You,” page 72.) For anecdotal evidence, just raise the subject with your girlfriends.
See Dr. Sue Johnson observation about jealousy on the next page ...
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