Relationship expert: Making the right decision

Dear Susan: I have been dating a guy for the past year. A few months ago, he was diagnosed with testicular cancer and is currently undergoing treatment. Lately I have been having huge panic attacks, and I find myself pulling away from him – both physically and emotionally. I was also recently told by my doctor that my progesterone and estrogen levels are low. That may also explain why our sex life is non-existent. Once things settle down, do you think we'll be able to resume out intimate relationship? Lonely.

Dear Lonely: Oh, my dearest, you are having a rough time of it. On the positive side, his surgery is behind him and I'm sure your doctor is treating you for your hormonal problems. But the main "symptom" you are suffering from is fear. I suspect that you have pulled away from your boyfriend both emotionally and physically because you are worried that you will be devastated if he doesn't make it. Sadly, there are not guarantees in life. We all experience times of great joy and great pain – they go hand in hand. This guy really needs your support right now because he, too, is afraid. You both need to open your heart and comfort each other. Once the two of you have shared your fears and your dreams for the future, physical intimacy will definitely follow. Take care.

Dear Susan: Two years ago, I moved to Canada from the Philippines with my husband. It has been a very difficult time for me. I would say I feel depressed most of the time. I think I was happier and healthier back home. The other problem I have is dealing with my husband's controlling nature. In the past, he was often jealous of my friends and the time I spent with them. I haven't been able to make new friends here or find a good job, so I spend most of my time at home. It's a lonely life. Where do you think I could have a more fulfilling future: here or in the Philippines? If I return home, do you see me returning with my husband? To be honest, I don't really have strong feelings for him anymore. Disappointed.

Dear Disappointed: You're like a fish out of water! You husband is not going to change, and you know it. Your new life is not what you thought it was going to be. You know if your heart where you will be happier. You just want reassurance from me that you're making the right decision. The truth is, I agree with you. I see a new life and a new beginning for you in 2008, but you could have some difficulties with your husband that will be stressful. But you will overcome this, and the sun will shine for you in a new place. Don't sell yourself short. Good luck!