Intuitive counsellor Susan King offers her seasoned and insightful spin on life's difficult moments.
Pagination
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Q: I haven't had any luck with love lately. My eight-year relationship with the man I thought I would one day marry fell apart a few years ago. Since then, I've been very lonely and unhappy. I've dated a few other guys, but every time I start to get serious, they pull away. It's like I send out some kind of signal. I don't want to come across as desperate, but that's what seems to be happening. How can I be sure that my enthusiasm isn't interpreted as desperate and clingy?
Lonely
Dear Lonely: This isn't a new problem. You've felt insecure since you were a teen. There was a lot of turmoil in your life, and it's left its mark. You would rather be with someone who is mean and unloving than be alone. You're afraid of being alone, yet you've been that way since the split-and you've survived! I know there have been difficult and sad moments, but it wasn't so bad, was it? Before you jump back into the dating scene, I would encourage you to explore your fears. Talk with your mother and your family. You have to realize that the events of the past can no longer hurt you. You're a strong and positive young woman. Your ex-who had his own set of insecurities and dysfunctional behaviours-did a number on your self-worth, but you can get it back. Deal with the emotions that are holding you back and then go forward with an open mind. When you meet potential boyfriends, let them take the lead in the beginning. Enjoy being wooed instead of doing the wooing. That said, don't compromise your dating standards, and don't waste your time with deadbeats. If you value yourself, you will attract a loving and respectful man. I believe that you will find such a mate before 2009 is out.
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