Being shy isn’t so cute when it can wreck your life.
Phobic or not, there’s no doubt that many people experience painful bouts of shyness at some point in their lives. Dr. Jerome Kagan, a psychologist at Harvard University, found evidence of shyness even at the fetal stage, claiming that shy babies demonstrate sensitivity in the womb by exhibiting an increased heart rate in response to loud noises. And Italian researchers found that shy children are less able to read facial expressions accurately — an inability to decipher human emotion that may trigger the anxiety and fear centres of the brain. Most experts believe that shyness is the result of a dynamic interaction between genetics and the environment. A controlling or overprotective parent, a schoolyard bully, an insensitive teacher — all of these are factors that may elicit shyness.
Antidepressants are often prescribed to those who suffer from anxiety and depression, which can result from social isolation. While there’s no magic pill to cure shyness, the most effective treatment appears to be cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), a form of psychotherapy that reverses negative thought patterns — the “I’m a loser” mentality common to many shy people. Researchers at the University of Toronto found that CBT can change brain activity, effectively derailing negative thought patterns in depressed patients.
Another treatment for shyness is social-skill-building exercises and exposure to feared situations. Many treatment centres offer a blend of CBT, social-skill building and exposure to feared situations to achieve the best results. It’s this integrated form of treatment that’s used at The Shyness Clinic in Palo Alto, Calif. The clinic was founded by pioneering shyness researcher Dr. Philip Zimbardo, who is now a research consultant at the clinic. For the first 13 weeks, patients work to build social confidence, change negative thought patterns and reduce anxiety by role-playing feared social situations in a group-therapy setting. During the second 13-week session, they practise making friends and deepening intimacy through self-disclosure, building trust and handling conflict. Dr. Lynne Henderson, director of The Shyness Clinic and The Shyness Institute, has been studying shyness since the 1970s. She doesn’t believe that shyness is a disease or disorder; instead, she thinks it’s merely a matter of being out of social shape and can be remedied with “social exercise.” “If we don’t work out often, we’re not in good physical shape,” she explains. “Likewise, if we don’t socialize, it’s harder to be in good social shape. We need to practise.” Henderson says that after 26 weeks at the clinic, social anxiety, depression and shyness are reduced to normal levels for most patients.
Is being shy hurting your lifestyle? Find out on the next page ...
Dating a dude? These 10 signs will tell you if he's mister wrong
