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When not dressing-windows for Barney’s and writing hilarious books, our favourite bon-vivant also gives great advice. Forthwith, his words-of-wisdom for a modern gal (or guy’s) most pressing questions of romantic etiquette.
Mini skirts are very in for fall. Am I sending the right message to potential suitors if I embrace this super-short trend?
SD: "A better question would be: what is the weather forecast? Since the trend is pegged for Fall I would hate for you to catch a chill. I would also hate for your legs to get all cold and blotchy. I care."
I broke-up with my boyfriend two years ago, and have had zero action since then. Any advice for getting back on the horse?
"You need a an accomplice, a cruising sister, a partner in crime. Call your trampiest friend and insist that she take you on a few man-chasing escapades."
What should a girl who wants to impress order on the first date?
"Impressing people is very last century, darling. On a first date you should relax and chillax and order your fave beverage. A dirty martini, right?"
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How can I find true love, Simon?
"Life is random and crazy, and people who find true love are the lucky ones.( I am being serious now.) I met the love of my life twenty years ago. Paging Jonathan Adler. Everyday I thank the lord for the groovy serendipity of our union. Fingers crossed that you find true love too."
What are your thoughts on dating older (or dating younger)? Do you believe in any sort of magical formula (i.e.: half your age plus 7 is the youngest you should go)?
"My mum was ten years older than my dad. I am fourteen years older than Jonathan Adler. Formula schmormula! If you find the right person then just sink your Lee Press-on nails into their flesh and hope for the best."
What makes a person attractive? Unattractive?
"Andy Warhol said: 'If everybody's not a beauty, then nobody is.' Everyone has something gorgeous about them which just needs to be fluffed up a little."