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Relationship ending points

5 signs it's time to call it quits!

Relationship ending points

When you meet a fabulous guy and fall in love, the last thing on your mind is how or when it's going to end. You might be so head-over-heels that you miss some signs that this relationship is going nowhere fast. When navigating through love relationships, what becomes important is the ability to read the telling signs of a relationship that has completed its course and when to not hang on. So, when do you really know that your love relationship is over? Admitting to any or all of these checklist items could mean it's time for you to call it quits.

1. Your needs are consistently not being met
Your beau used to add romance to just about everything and shower you with affection. But lately, it's not just cooling off – it's ice cold. Couples who are no longer together admit that they experienced a longstanding history of feeling as though their needs were no longer being met. Words of encouragement and support that were once commonplace are now largely absent. Other examples include one or both members of a couple refraining from sex, intimacy, and/or affection. Feeling as though your needs are not being met leads to resentment, withholding, and anger.

2. There are critical or unresolved issues
One good reason for couples to partake in counselling at different times over the course of their relationship is to help them find healthy and constructive ways of resolving conflict. Over time, a relationship has the potential to accumulate unresolved issues and problems, but if you don't know how to get to a satisfactory resolution you might find you and your man in a less-than-pretty stalemate. The issue gets buried until a later time – creating another unresolved conflict. Relationships with a large list of unsolved conflicts become suffocated by the weight of these. Newer relationships that continue to face unresolved differences and conflict don't have a long-term future.

Learn what the final three signs are on the next page ...
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The dirt on love at work
The art of flirtexting


3. Bad behaviour, bad excuses
Ladies, we all need to honour our self-defined 'deal breakers' – the things that you simply won't tolerate in your relationship under any circumstances. Making excuses for bad behaviour (betrayal of trust, infidelity, violent behaviour, etc.) are a tell tale sign that you are not willing to take an honest look at what's wrong with your relationship. If your former Prince Charming does the unthinkable, the relationship needs to be over.

4. Negative impact
When a relationship creates an ongoing source of tension, conflict, frustration, anger and unhappiness it's time to say sayonara. A healthy relationship is one that contributes (rather than negatively affects) the overall quality of your life.

5. Sense of disconnection
An emotional or spiritual incompatibility occurs when one or both partners begin to confide in members of the opposite gender for emotional support and comfort. So, if you're sharing your inner most feelings with the cute guy at work, rather than your partner, you need to assess your relationship. It's as if you and your partner have run out of things to say, behaving more like roommates than lovers, living separate, albeit, parallel lives.

Recognizing that your relationship has fatal flaws doesn't mean you need to point fingers of blame at yourself or your partner. It does mean that you need to stop investing time and energy in what isn't working, and instead look ahead to what it is you really want from a love relationship.

Read more
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Susan King offers advice on life's difficult moments
Love yourself with these 5 self-love tips


COMMENTS

  • don\'t understand
    Published:
    2009-10-20 2:19 PM

    my wife of 19 years of marriage and 26 years of being together,just ask me for a divorce.I don't get it,no major arguments,did everything as a husband.she says shes just not happy anymore.before we were married we went thourgh a horrable experience and saved her life, and another was in the last 5 years was with our son, who is fine now. I thought we were solid but i guess wrong.I'm not abusive physically or mentally or a drug addict or an alcoholic.can anyone help me understand.no affair
  • Moving On
    Published:
    2009-08-24 2:42 PM

    I just brokeup with my boyfriend for over a year. I found out he was cheating on me with his Ex, while i was out of the country. He claims it was a one time only thing, and i tried to forgive him, we're still friends and he says he still loves me and that we should get back together. But ive noticed every single one of these signs in our relationship..its time for him TO HIT THE ROAD !
  • Ruth Bittorf
    Published:
    2009-08-24 12:17 PM

    REB We totally need to pay attention to our instincts, and not think we are just being overly sensitive. Our hearts are wonderful guides, and if you think he's seeing someone else, he is. Trust that gut! I wish I had done that earlier in past relationships and unfortunately a recent one as well. Maybe I've lea
    ed this time?!
  • CRB
    Published:
    2009-07-12 9:16 PM

    I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for almost two years. He tells me that he loves me one day and then says he needs sometime the next. I have never met his adult children - they do not know that I exist. Yet my children have been involved in our relationship for the last 10 months they think that he is great. I am head over heels for him. but right now I am totally confused.
  • SHB
    Published:
    2009-07-05 4:01 PM

    It's not just the ladies that need to look at bad behaviour and 'deal breakers'. I am coming off a 4.5 year relationship that ended with my GF's infidelity. I had forgiven her several lies over the years, saying I loved her and would forgive her anything. The moral is if you are seeing patte
    s of negative behaviour, don't wait for those behaviours to lead to a bigger incident. If they lie to cover their tracks about something small, the odds are they will eventually lie to cover something big.
  • Sonia
    Published:
    2009-05-31 6:21 PM

    You have the power to be independant and you have the power to say no. It's hard for most people to be "alone" but that's ur optimal time to find the right person or to find out who you are and what you want. Don't let an unhappy person ruin your happiness. Goodluck.
  • Just a thought...
    Published:
    2009-05-31 12:59 AM

    If it's a mutual understanding that you'll both have sex while on a break, then I dun see a prob... afterall if that was a prob, then you'd have made it clear that it's not acceptable.... Plus, if you feel like you need a "power" over someone, then it's just not a rite one.... it should just feel easy and comfortable to be wi each other, and not feel like u r in a game..... relationship to me is not a game... :)
  • The Inside Perspective
    Published:
    2009-05-27 3:38 AM

    George, I agree with your comments. Thank-you for your willingness to be so vulnerable and honest in your final comment. And YES, in keeping up with the 'norms' in society, I think they did a 'great' job on the article. As for those of an old-fashioned heart, it left 'Much to be desired'
  • The Inside Perspective
    Published:
    2009-05-27 3:03 AM

    Did it ever occur to You that she may have interpreted 'a break' to mean that maybe you considered your time away from her a potential 'searching' time for someone else? In which case, her love for you may have remained completely strong and intact though in her pain of 'wondering about you' and her loneliness perhaps, she did the unthinkable? Just a thought. I hope it helps!
  • Confused gal
    Published:
    2009-04-16 7:44 PM

    Patient guy - I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but even sorrier that you equate "quality of life" with money. Sure you might have to get used to living more simply, but if your emotional well being and self-esteem are on the line, wouldn't it be worth it? Don't you deserve to be in a good relationship, or to be single but happy?
  • bucks
    Published:
    2009-04-16 1:15 AM

    How do you handle a situation in which she sleeps with someone while you guys are on 'a break'? How do handle that when she wants to get back with you? Guess she finds that I am better for her despite my faults. But how should you deal with that? What power do I have?
  • Andrew E
    Published:
    2009-03-31 1:24 PM

    Agree's with Paul Spiers *bad communication. *Come on, grow up and start acting like an adult and talk.
  • Jo
    Published:
    2009-03-31 11:29 AM

    Can't without an arguement...tip-toeing around the subjects that are disagreed on. No equality in a relationship at all. Both at fault no matter how you put it.
  • Paul Spiers
    Published:
    2009-03-29 10:43 PM

    Wow, it would seem that this article lays a great deal of blame on the male side of the relationship. "It takes two to tango" as the saying goes. Women are just as guilty as men when it comes to bad communication, usually when the women thinks that if her man really loves her, he should know what she is feeling or thinking. Come on, grow up and start acting like an adult and talk.
  • mike ozzy
    Published:
    2009-03-29 4:22 AM

    well some times there are tell tale signs that a woman isnt the right match too i think this should have had a uni- sex format rather than is he a bad person to marry. i have no problem with female's its just that some times you have to take a better look at one another rather than the other person. I think most people will see my point.
  • steph
    Published:
    2009-03-25 10:17 PM

    read 1- 5
  • unconvinced
    Published:
    2009-03-23 11:13 AM

    betrayal of trust or infidelity goes for her as well not just the guy as i have found out
  • Cheryl Estabrooks
    Published:
    2009-03-21 9:43 AM

    Betrayal of trust or infidelity can never be repaired because if he gets away with it once he will do it again
  • Cheryl Estabrooks
    Published:
    2009-03-21 9:43 AM

    Betrayal of trust or infidelity can never be repaired because if he gets away with it once he will do it again
  • unconcerned female
    Published:
    2009-03-17 10:41 PM

    um . . . conce
    ed male . . . I think that the article is advising women when to break it off with men, not when men should break it off with women . . .
  • back door
    Published:
    2009-03-17 10:15 PM

    I think some of these things happen in relationships from time to time and we could focus on the how to repair or fix it rather then run from it.
  • I'm just sayin'...
    Published:
    2009-03-17 10:12 PM

    Conce
    ed male: Aren't you stating the obvious? Of course the survey was written by a woman, it's for an article in Elle. Obviously the target audience is "women". Just change the "he" to a "she" and the same applies to men...
  • Female in a recently failed relationship
    Published:
    2009-03-17 9:46 PM

    I think it goes both ways. Both men and women are responsible in a relationship failure. It is largely cause and effect or action and reaction. Back to what came first, the chicken or the egg. Good relationships and true love will work out through all issues. Lack of this, will cause failure. Conce
    ed male is right. Women are in the relationships too, not fair to blame the men. However there has to be desire and passion to succeed. Good points in article regarding sections 1 and two.
  • Patient guy
    Published:
    2009-03-17 9:46 PM

    I see all of these wa
    ing signs with my relationship with my wife. Problem is, I am a high income ea
    er, and separation/divorce would cost me dearly, not to mention a lower quality of life. Hence, I am waiting for her to leave. But in the end, guys take it up the keyster in divorce court, and would rather live with my current quality of life, albeit an emotionally dead one. If it wasnt for the financial issues, I would have walked away from the relationship a long time ago.
  • Seven devils clever.
    Published:
    2009-03-17 9:17 PM

    I concur.
  • Julie
    Published:
    2009-03-17 7:45 PM

    Oh yes, women can definitely commit unspeakable crimes of the heart, but essentially it always takes two. No relationship is ever 50/50, and never should be, it should be more about how two people relate to each other.
  • Jill
    Published:
    2009-03-17 7:32 PM

    I think this article goes both ways, male or female. Pretty good advice.
  • cindy
    Published:
    2009-03-17 7:17 PM

    atten...conce
    ed male, men are the worst ones to admit they had anything to do with the downfall of a relationship. not to be sexist but....they would rather brag about how they were so good to her.....when in reality all they end up doing is trashing the woman to their friends
  • 2nd time around!
    Published:
    2009-03-17 6:57 PM

    Women are at fault just as much definitely. Being a woman, I see what I need to change everyday to make sure that my relationships are lasting ones. Good relationships are like a good job, if you want to move up in the company you must put forth the work the position deserves, just like in a relationship, you NEED to put the work in to reap the benefits. Trust me it does take work to keep both sides happy and balanced!
  • joe joe
    Published:
    2009-03-17 6:12 PM

    These are for fun and not to be taken seriously.
  • Lish
    Published:
    2009-03-17 2:02 PM

    I agree with Conce
    ed male when he said the finger points to the male, and I am a woman. We have to realize that it takes two to make mistakes and not move past them. You both have to work equally at a relationship. You have to realize that male or female you have problems too, no one is perfect your or your partner.
  • Guy
    Published:
    2009-03-17 1:58 PM

    I agree, in my easte
    culture more relationship breakdowns are attributed to women. Poor guy gets the blame. I agree with the signs, and one should know when to stop investing time and energy in a relationship
  • Common Sense
    Published:
    2009-03-17 1:19 PM

    I don't think that this article is trying to put the blame on the guy, or anyone for that matter. All it is doing is pointing out some signs, (specifically for the female reader), that would indicate that their relationship is not a healthy one to continue.
  • Advil(lol)
    Published:
    2009-03-17 11:37 AM

    Ok! If this is not confirmation of me needing to separate from this guy, I don't know what is. We are disconnected, anger each other, etc.
  • Concerned male
    Published:
    2009-03-17 10:08 AM

    I think it is pretty clear that all these surveys are written by women, because they always point the finger at the guy! I believe it is time to realize and admit that women also cause many problems in a relationship. And from my experiences, looking at all my friends failed relationships, it was the woman that was cheating and not willing to admit their faults!
  • dan b
    Published:
    2009-03-17 9:55 AM

    right on !
  • George
    Published:
    2009-03-17 9:32 AM

    I read your five signs and I think some make sense but mostly it was telling people that when the going gets a little tough you should call it quits and break up. I would like to read your thoughts from a guys point of view as we go through just as much in a relationship as a woman does its just we have to hide it more to keep in the norm of society.
  • NSP
    Published:
    2009-03-17 8:52 AM

    Great article. Short and direct .... needed for the topic. Any articles or ideas for how to find or recognize the perfect mate?
  • Patrick
    Published:
    2009-03-17 8:51 AM

    Strangely enough from a guys point of view, this helps to understand where we can improve on a potential love relationship. Unfortunately most guys go through a relationship totally unaware of where they went wrong and continue to make the same mistakes. Thank you
  • Abdelhamid Bahous
    Published:
    2009-03-17 6:29 AM

    5 star article
  • Kim C
    Published:
    2009-03-17 1:11 AM

    I am very lucky to be in the best relationship in the world! I am so in love and have never felt better!
  • Karen
    Published:
    2009-03-17 12:41 AM

    Awesome advice!
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