Jann's advice on the nature of friendship
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DEAR JANN: I have a lifelong friend who has always felt that she is stupid, in spite of the fact that this is not the case. She was recently offered a job that she refuses to consider because she feels they will fire her when they find out how "inept" she is -- her words, not mine. She says that she envies me for taking night courses, but when I suggest that she join me she backs down, saying she would definitely fail, especially if exams are involved. How can I get her to see herself as the rest of us see her: an intelligent woman who has so much to offer? CONCERNED PAL<br/>
DEAR CONCERNED PAL:
DEAR JANN: I'm a university student, and I'm having bad issues with my roommate/friend. A bigger problem is that since I don't like confrontation, I don't know how to tell her that I don't want to live with her again this fall. She's a little emotionally unstable, so I'm afraid that she'll go off the wall when I tell her we are through as roomies. Please help me! SENSITIVE<br/>
DEAR SENSITIVE: If you don't have the guts to talk to her, you may well be living with your roommate for the rest of your natural life. You shouldn't be concerned with how she reacts; you should only be concerned with how you conduct yourself. Be calm, and state your concerns plainly, simply and quietly. Learning to communicate is the most useful thing you'll ever learn. It's the one thing that will connect you to the universe. You cannot control anything but yourself -- remember that. Be kind, and all other good things will follow you.
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