A very equestrian episode. Image by: Getty
Did anyone else feel like there was a gaping void in their life last week when The Bachelorette didn’t air?
Luckily, we’re back! The theme of this week’s episode is, surprise, “following your heart.” “I have to trust my gut but I’m afraid of making a mistake,” says JoJo. Foreshadowing?!?!?!!??!
Date 1: Alex
Alex gets the first date of the week. IMO, her opinions about Alex are pretty clear: she’s not into him. I thought she was going to kick him to the curb last week. His vibe is more party frat boy even when they are learning how to be gauchos (Argentine cowboys). “Let’s eat Pringles. Look at those droopy trees. My horse really likes your horse. You look like something out of a Ralph Lauren model magazine.”(WHAT?) And my personal fave, his amazement when the gaucho convince the horse (who is obviously a Bachelor fan), to lay on the ground so the couple can canoodle on its neck. Says an astute Alex: “That’s some horse whisperer stuff.” But neither horse nor gaucho can save this date: JoJo sends Alex home.
Side note: I want to forget the beat-boxing bus ride forever.
Date 2: Jordan
Okay, I dug the horse date, but hunky ex-football player Jordan gets to take a private jet to a vineyard Mendoza, so it’s clear JoJo is playing favourites. Tsk, tsk. “I feel really strong about Jordan and I do picture a life with him,” she says. But wait? Is he of the floppy mane too good to be true? JoJo believes that kissing him is the only way to find out, so that’s what they do for 85% of their date. Jordan drops the L-bomb after their impromptu therapy session about his strained relationship with his NFL player bro, Aaron. More kissing.
Date fail: They had to drink the grapes they crushed with their bare feet. Cue mouth vomit.
Date 3: Robbie, James and Chase
Rain has left the foursome hotelbound and so they do what feels right: indulge in some old-fashioned, sleepover-inspired fun – Charades and Truth or Dare (which are four of the scariest words in the English language). Like Alex, James hasn’t quite graduated to grown-up wooing. He stuffs 34 French fries in his mouth. The group date ends with them all watching the Brazilian Bachelor in bed. The verdict: Robbie is all in (and gets the rose); Chase is having “emotions of love” (whatever that means) and sweet, innocent, gawky James Taylor is about to get cut hard.
Date 4: Luke
It’s time for Luke’s one-on-one, a day skeet shooting, horseback riding and wine-drinking on another ole ranch. This is the South-American version of Luke’s element. (Texas, forever.) And JoJo is EATING IT UP.
Rose ceremony time!
JoJo doesn’t need a cocktail party because it’s obvious that James is going home. Oh gawd, is he going to cry? Who cares, it’s one of the best Bachelorette goodbyes ever. My stone heart actually felt something. Hometowns (and more dramz) next week!