Culture

Leaving the past behind

Author: Elle Canada

Culture

Leaving the past behind

DEAR JANN: My father passed away a few years ago and left the selling of his gas station to my 75-year-old mom. Until now, we've been working there seven days a week, and we're tired. My older brother, who has been in jail several times for drunk driving and is mixed up with a dangerous biker gang, doesn't want us to sell. I'm afraid he will hurt us if we sell it. I'm eating all of the time from the stress. I'm single, so I don't have anyone to turn to for help. EMPTY

DEAR EMPTY: Good Lord, girl, sell the damn gas station! Hand your mother a big, fat cheque and take a load off your heart. Your brother is an arsehole. It's hard when people die and leave loose ends, but they can all be tied up again; it just takes a few moments to make changes happen. Get a Realtor, talk to a lawyer about your brother and call the police if he makes any threats toward you or your mother. You have to get away from the hurt and stop hurting yourself. Eating isn't going to make anything better. Sell, sell, sell! Buy a new start for you and your mom.

DEAR JANN: I'm dating a fantastic man, but I'm fearful he's going to turn out like my ex. He has given me no reason to worry. I know that it's unfair to prejudge him. How can I get past this and start fresh? SUSPICIOUS

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Don't drag your past around with you. We always have to love like we have never been hurt, and no, there are no guarantees that we won't be hurt again. If you choose to love with a cloud on your shoulder, you and your boyfriend are going to miss out on one of the most beautiful things in this world -- freedom. Don't live your life in fear. Don't drag your past around with you. This is new, this is now. You are not what you did, but what you will do.

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Photo courtesy of Norbert Mayer

Page 1 of 2DEAR JANN: I am an American who has been living in Calgary for more than five years. I am terribly homesick, dislike the long winters and would like my family to get to know my children. My husband, however, is involved in a successful family business and feels as though he'd have to give up everything he has invested in so we can move. I understand that he wants to provide for his family, but at what price do you sacrifice happiness? COWTOWN BLUES

DEAR COWTOWN BLUES: Home is a hole in our heart when we are away from it. I totally understand what it is to be homesick. You do need to have your family know your children. I would suggest that you hop on a plane and go home for a visit. Spend time with your folks, your kids and your old pals. Home is always there for you; it's never gone. We all have to make hard choices in this life, but we can meet our partners somewhere in the middle and find happiness.

Please send your questions to:
Ask Jann, ELLE,
25 Sheppard Ave. W., Suite 100, Toronto, Ont., M2N 6S7
Fax: 416-733-7981
E-mail: askjann@ellecanada.com

Photo courtesy of Norbert Mayer

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Leaving the past behind