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Ask Susan: An on-and-off relationship

Author: Elle Canada

Culture

Ask Susan: An on-and-off relationship

WEB EXCLUSIVE QUESTION!

Dear Susan: I've been with my boyfriend for several years. Early on in our relationship, we broke up for a year. During that time, I dated other guys; my ex knew about this. We've been back together for several years now, but he's still obsessing about the fact that I saw other guys during our split. He says he didn't see anyone. Aside from being jealous, he's a real workaholic. I love him, and I believe he loves me, but between his insecurities and lack of time to commit to the relationship, I'm wondering if I should just get out while I can.
--Torn

Dear Torn: Being emotionally insecure is like having a pack of wild dogs chasing you; you become fearful and anxious. Unfortunately, you're on the receiving end. For your relationship to survive, you will have to put in a lot of hard work. He is going to need constant reassurance from you. He is basically telling you "I'm afraid you're going to leave me again." I know it doesn't come out like that, but that is what's behind his obsession about you and the guys you dated during your breakup. How strong are you? Do you have time for this? I'm not sure. I feel that a part of you has already left. So it's up to you to ask yourself "Do I stay or go?" If you're patient, and if you do what I suggest, I feel that it can work. Why not give it a month and see how it goes? If you decide to split in the end, do it with kindness. Remember: what goes around comes around.
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Ask Susan: An on-and-off relationship