Jemima Kirke (Jessa) and Lena Dunham (Hannah) in HBO's Girls.Most people assume that they’ll have the best sex in their twenties. They're at their best looking, after all. GIRLS disproves this theory, with each character having a sex crisis this episode. They're all in such sexual shambles that we felt it best to offer them some advice, channeling the surely excellent offerings from Shoshanna's self-help book, Listen, Ladies: A Tough Love Approach for the Tough World of Love. HANNAH Hannah and Adam are having disturbingly bad sex. This is evidenced by Adam’s lack of interest in Hannah’s pleasure, and his sex fantasy talk, which resembles a Bukowski story (complete with a junkie with a Cabbage Patch lunch box). Hannah seems fine with it all, until Adam casually mentions that girls never ask him to wear condoms. Hannah: “We always use condoms.” Adam: “Do we?” Cue hysteria. STD googling ensues, followed by a decision to get tested. Actually, that is the adult thing to do Hannah. Good call. Then a bad call, when Hannah makes a date rape joke at her job interview. She can't help herself. Hannah uses her boundary-pushing humour to seem tough and in control, shooting herself in the foot in situations that call for more grown-up behavior. Listen, lady: Hannah has a habit of making the worst subjects—date rape, abortion, AIDS—into jokes. It seems like she believes if she can joke about it she proves she isn’t afraid, when really the opposite is true. When she stops making light of everything, she may stop making a mess of serious situations. We’d love to advise she not see Adam anymore as well, but unfortunately she doesn’t seem done with that jerk yet. MARNIE Charnie (our nickname for terrible couple Marnie and Charlie) are having slow, boring sex. She can barely look at him, while he is so grateful to be getting any at all that he is extra creepy. He literally kisses up from her elbow like Pepé Le Pew. After, Charlie announces he doesn’t know how to …shiver… “make love” to Marnie anymore. Despite having the perfect opening to cut him loose, she disparages him some more, perhaps to demoralize him into dumping her? While she can’t seem to manage her relationship, Marnie is excellent at managing her friends’ business. She schedules Jessa’s abortion and Hannah’s STD test, and is the first one to arrive at the clinic. If she could take the same level of initiative with her own life she’d have a shot at being actually happy. Listen, lady: It's cruel to watch Marnie hate Charlie a little more every second they're together. She is unfailingly honest with her friends so she needs to give herself the same tough love. End it, Marnie. Time to put that sad sack out of his misery. JESSA Jessa spends much of the episode sullenly smoking pot while preparing for her abortion. She shows genuine interest in making a “manifestation board” when she sees Shoshanna doing it—she is struggling for control, and she will do anything, even suburban Oprah-inspired craft projects, to get a handle on her life. She doesn’t like Shoshanna's self-help book, however, and rails against women telling other women what to do. In her struggle to explain why to Hannah, she admits that she does want to have children. Jessa: “I am going to be amazing at it. And I want to have children with many men of many different races.” Jessa clings to her bohemian lifestyle even though her desire to have kids shows her more traditional side. Still grappling with her feelings, she skips the abortion to drink White Russians at a bar, and make out with a boy who wandered in to call his mother. When she gets her period mid-grope, her surface problem appear solved. Listen, lady: Just because you want to be a mother, doesn’t mean you should date a guy who is super close to his mother. While we hope Jessa shelves the glam travel trunk for a while and allows herself to become more settled, Morgan, with his lack of cell phone and need to check in with his mère, seems like a disastrous fit for her. SHOSHANNA Shoshanna may have gotten what she needed when Jessa came to town. She seems out of her depth when trying to fit in, offering advice from a cheesy self-help book called Listen, Ladies. Hannah: “Who are the ladies?” Shoshanna: “Obvi! We’re the ladies!” Jessa: “I’m not the ladies.” Shoshanna: “Yeah, you’re the ladies.” Jessa; “You can’t force me to be a lady!” Shoshanna: “I’m not! Look, I’m a lady, she’s a lady, you’re a lady. We’re the ladies!” Her apparent cluelessness is further explained when after showing up at the clinic for moral support, she admits to Marnie that she is actually a virgin. Listen, lady: There is no shame in inexperience, but it does seem good for Shoshanna to spend more time with Jessa and the girls. Not only will she learn lots about what not to do, she may loosen up. Secondary advice: Dylan’s Candy Bar is not the appropriate place to buy snacks for your cousin’s abortion. Episode 2: The lines we loved best 1. Shoshanna: “A little birdie told me you are going to get an STD test. Fun!” Hannah: “Do you really think that sounds like fun?” Shoshanna: “Well, just to get to have sex, and then take a test about it after.” 2.Marnie (about Jessa): “She should fucking return our calls or at least send us a text.” Shoshanna: “She doesn’t really know how to text. She calls it a word alert.” OVER TO YOU Who is your favourite character so far? READ MORE Check out our recap of Episode 1!