Thomas Wolfe said, “You can’t go back home to your family, back home to your childhood.” In this episode of GIRLS, Hannah discovers that she definitely can’t—although when things get tough in the big city, she gives it a try. She is jobless again and Marnie is anxious about rent, so it’s perfect timing to have a reason to go home for the weekend – her parents’ 30th  anniversary. She is seeking financial assistance and reassurance that moving to New York was the right call. She gets one of the two.

Here are four reasons that Hannah can’t go home again:

1. Her sex life

Hannah has taken some hits in the romance department of late—finding out her ex is gay, discovering that her crush Adam gave her HPV, and that while she believed they were a couple, he believed they’d ended things.  It’s no surprise then, that during her weekend at home, when the co-owner of a pharmacy asks her out she’s eager to have a normal date with a normal guy, or as she puts it:

“I have been dating someone who treats my heart like it’s monkey meat. I feel like a delusional, invisible person half the time, so I need to learn what it’s like to be treated well before it’s too late for me.”

During the date she describes how an ex inspired her to stop being a vegetarian, and we see clues that the ex is Adam (who else would have an uncle that would mail him meat he hunted himself, and would make Hannah worry that if she went out to grab food he wouldn’t answer the buzzer when she returned?) He’s definitely still on her mind.

The date goes well, with Pharmacist Eric fetching her drinks, opening doors and generally treating her nicely. When they go to his place to have sex, the whole “normal” thing starts to be a problem for Hannah. While it isn’t always true that people in big cities all have more adventurous sex that people in small towns, Hannah has done some experimenting and is ill equipped to get down with a guy who wants to be under the covers in the dark and assume the missionary position. Her dirty talk and exploratory fingers aren’t welcome and it’s clear that her sex life has evolved beyond her hometown.

2. Her parents’ sex life

While Hannah’s parents were eager to have her along on their anniversary date—she is, after all, their “best friend who we just happened to create”—it isn’t because they aren’t hot for each other anymore. Hannah’s dad cracks her mom up at dinner and after their meal they head home with sex on the brain.

The resulting shower sex was in Hannah’s dad’s words “wet and wild”, until an aggressive maneuver causes him to slip and hit his head. Hannah returns home to find her parents in an awkward state in the bathroom, and has to help her dad into bed while trying—unsuccessfully—to see as little of his naked body as possible.

While it’s wonderful that after 30 years together, Hannah’s parents are still getting it on on the regular, it isn’t really something Hannah should have to see. It seems best that she live somewhere far away from their marital bed (and bath).

3. Her ambition

It takes being back home for Hannah to allow herself to question whether she can succeed at writing a book and living in New York. Life seems so much easier in Michigan—cheap rent, cheap food, and less difficult living conditions. It makes her wonder why she’s so determined to live in the city, and if she really is talented enough after all. On her date with Pharmacist Eric, Hannah attends a benefit for a girl from high school who disappeared while on vacation. After seeing her friend Heather perform, and hearing her plan to move to L.A. and dance professionally, Hannah rants to Eric, showing the cracks in the foundation of her ambition.

Hannah: “You didn’t think that was, like, really delusional? That dancing?”

Eric: “It wasn’t that bad!”

Hannah: “OK, maybe it wasn’t bad in, like, amateur terms but Heather is ,like, moving to California to be a professional dancer. So that should just make us all feel pretty sad and weird.”

Eric: “I guess it was a little cheesy.”

Hannah: “It was,like, very cheesy, and nobody’s telling her. She’s going to go to L.A. and live in some shitty apartment and feel, like, scared and sad and lonely and weird all the time. But she’s got a good life here. I would like her life.”

After her dose of reality (namely boring normal sex that reminded her of how much more adventurous her life in New York has made her), Hannah is ready to return to the city and fight the good fight. When her mother asks if she is OK financially, giving her the perfect opening to ask for rent money, Hannah chooses to keep her pride instead. Perhaps cutting her off was the best thing her parents could have done, just as her mother thought. As she put it, Hannah is her “scrappy little girl” and that should help her handle the trials of living in the city.

 4. Unfinished business

Adam calls after Hannah’s very eventful evening. (Side note: as they talk we realize we have never seen Adam wearing a shirt. Does he own shirts?) For the first time, they have what seems like a genuinely enjoyable conversation.

Hannah explains that she called him to make sure he hadn’t disappeared. After hearing about poor high school acquaintance Carrie going missing on vacation, she realized that if something happened to Adam, she’d never hear about it. In a small town it would be impossible not to know that someone isn’t there anymore, but in a city if two people don’t share mutual friends and stop calling each other anything could happen to either one and the other wouldn’t know. Hannah still cares about Adam —he’s been an important part of her life in New York— and she isn’t ready to walk away from him yet.

Adam seems to actually care too, telling her he misses her. As they have one of those long, late night conversations that aren’t about anything and are therefore the best, we see that they both have unfinished business with each other. The only way for it to be straightened out is for Hannah to go back to New York. Maybe she can bring Adam a shirt—those are probably cheaper in Michigan too.

The lines we liked best:

1. Hannah: ”So you like know someone who is going to like help you get settled and find auditions?”

Heather: “I know enough to know that you don’t really have to know anybody, you know?”

2. Hannah to herself as a predate pep talk: “You are from New York, therefore you are just naturally interesting. It is not up to you to fill all of the pauses, you are not in danger of mortifying yourself. The worst stuff that you say is better than the best stuff that some other people say.”

READ MORE

GIRLS recap, Episode 5

GIRLS recap, Episode 4

GIRLS recap, Episode 3

GIRLS recap, Episode 2

GIRLS recap, Episode 1

Now that’s how you vamp it up on the red carpet. Model Natasha Poly, Cannes 2012. Photo courtesy of WireImage.

Top beauty look: Natasha Poly took the smoky eye and brought it to the next level—and then to the after-party, the hotel lobby and the level after that. We especially love how she paired it with a flawless face, nude lip and those AMAZING mismatched earrings. (Learn how to create the sultry, smoky eye at home.)

You HAVE to see the rest of Natasha’s dress.

Um, Natasha? Angelina called and she wants her pose back. Photo courtesy of WireImage.

The gorgeous emerald hue is a perfect complement to her skin tone and really pops against the red carpet.

Cheryl Cole’s mermaid style frock, on the other hand, doesn’t pop so much as meld into the carpet, giving the impression that she’s a phoenix rising from the flames.

Cheryl Cole, Cannes 2012. Photo courtesy of WireImage.

We predict major things for Cheryl, who is already a huge star in the U.K., and hoping for a North American breakout. She’s cheeky, charming and SO beautiful.

More smoky eye inspiration! Photo courtesy of WireImage.

Top fashion look: Our favourite red carpet fashion look goes to model Barbara Palvin and her demure Downton Abbey-style dress. Love the metallics, the pattern, and her silver manicure. There’s something fresh and modern about beautiful young things covering up a little (see Lily Collins at the Met Gala). Take heed, LiLo.

Simply stunning: Barbara Palvin, Cannes 2012. Photo courtesy of Getty Images.

OVER TO YOU:

What’s your favourite beauty look?

Favourite fashion look?

Designer you’d choose for your own red carpet debut?

Marc Jacobs and street artist Kidult are feuding. It all started when Kidult defaced the storefront of Jacobs’ SoHo boutique with gigantic pink letters spelling out the word “Art.” So, Jacobs did what any sensible fashion designer would do: he released a set of limited edition T-shirts featuring the store’s graffiti-tagged image, with a line that read: “Art by Art Jacobs.”  (They retail for 689 bucks). Then, designer FRY got in on the action, and created a T-shirt depicting a picture of Marc Jacobs’ T-shirt. Now Kidult’s got a T-shirt too, with an image of him defacing Jacobs’s store and the tagline “Not art by Kidult,” which is on sale for a symbolic price of €6.89. And the dance continues. [Fashionista]

Speaking of feuds, Kelly Cutrone has declared war against a former assistant on Twitter. The People’s Revolution PR guru/America’s Next Top Model judge tweeted this yesterday: “One of my old assistants is getting arrested this week for grand larceny—stealing money from People’s—cannot wait—revenge is sweet.”

She followed it up with: “@HussyChildPlz you better run cause you are going down CLOWN.”

And topped it off, for good measure, with: “I wonder if my former assistant will be wearing stolen clothes from our showroom when HE gets arrested…”

Quick question: who places their trust in someone with @HussyChildPlz as a twitter handle?  [Twitter]

It’s hard being Chloë Sevigny, you guys. The hipster style icon was quoted as saying that she hates attending runway presentations. “I don’t enjoy going to fashion shows. It’s very high school, it’s very ‘the popular kids in the front row.’ And everybody’s checking everybody else out, and you have to do all this press and get your picture taken…It’s not fun for me, it’s work.” Fair enough, the paparazzi can be vicious, but before you start feeling too sad for her, she added. “
I go occasionally to friends’ shows to support them — or if I’m getting paid, if you want to be honest.” Celebrities can make up to $100,000 dollars to sit in a front row. Fashion shows last, on average, about 15 minutes. The average salary in Canada is $46,000 a year. Just saying. [The Cut]

Read more on the next page… 

Lanvin designer—and my dream dinner party companion—Alber Elbaz has opened up on what it was like to be fired from Yves Saint Laurent in 1998 after being hand-picked by the designer himself. “It was hard. Of course it was hard! There were times that I wondered whether I would ever by able to work in this business again. I was embarrassed to go out to fashion places, embarrassed to call people because I thought they wouldn’t call back.”    [Independent]

Tyra Banks has made up another new word. ‘I’ve been using the word flawsome’ a lot,” she writes in an open letter on the Daily Beast. “It’s you + your flaws + awesome = flawsome.” I know I like to give her a hard time for her head-scratching lexicon, but since it’s a long weekend and the sun is shining and the birds are singing, I’m going give her a get-out-of-jail-free card on this one. It’s an admirable sentiment, and you, Ty Ty, are flawsome.  [Daily Beast]

Inès de la Fressange. Photo courtesy of Wireimage.

Who can resist the glamour of the Cannes film festival? The rattle and hum of the Croisette, the snap of flashbulbs on the red carpet, the gleam of turquoise waters just beyond festival HQ. It’s both raucous and romantic—a cocktail of decadence, Tender is the Night for the iPad generation. In short? Expect hot sun and even hotter people. During the festival, which runs until May 27, we’ll bring you insider scoop directly from the festival, with behind-the-scenes snaps and our daily picks for the best red carpet looks.

Fashion look of the day: The inimitable Inès de la Fressange, author, model, muse to masters including Karl Lagerfeld. Her one-shoulder white gown is as elegant as she is, while the belt of laurel leaves suggests her playful good humour. Note the silver Roger Vivier flats—de la Fressange is an ambassador for the exalted French brand.

Click through to check out our beauty look of the day!

 Freida Pinto, looking fresh and lovely. Photo courtesy of Wireimage.

Beauty look of the day: Clean, classic, stunning. Freida’s minimal makeup, natural glow and seemingly effortless ponytail ensure a red carpet beauty knockout.

The best way to put up with a missing fashion niche in the city – a fierce, OTT sartorial eclecticism – is to fill it yourself. And that’s just what designer Angela Phung and buyer Valentina (a one-name wonder like Cher or Madonna) are doing with the launch their joint fashion venture, The Store On Queen, which officially opens its doors this Friday, May 18.

The playful duo were introduced by a cousin of Valentina’s but moved in similar fashion circles, so their first meeting was inevitable. After discovering their shared interest in opening a Queen West shop over lunch at The County General on Queen Street in February, they entered into a committed fashion merchant “marriage” – “Yes, we even have rings!” says Valentina – after they spotted a for sale sign in a storefront and immediately decided to make it their new home.

The girls were still painting and prepping the boutique the day before their exclusive pre-launch party Thursday night. I caught up with Valentina, who took me through her and Angela’s fashion history and what they hope to bring to Toronto’s trendy Queen West strip.

How did you get your start in fashion?

Angela studied fashion design at Fanshawe College in London, Ont., for three years. At 18-years-old, she was ranked among Canada’s best up-and-comers and was chosen as one of eight Canadian young designers to compete in the International Young Fashion Designers Competition in Paris. In 2006, Angela was chosen to showcase at Toronto Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2007. After graduating, she decided to postpone her career to join the family restaurant business. She decided to take a year off and moved to Toronto in October 2011.

I worked for a leading Canadian retailer, both as in-store management and interned as a buyer at their head office. I left after nine years and opened a unisex boutique in Canada, which I sold to travel after three years. I also have an online shop, shopsundayvalentine.com, which I started when I moved here, and will switch over to TSOQ. Also, I have been obsessed with fashion and being different since I was probably five years old.

What styles can we find in The Store?

You will find young contemporary brands from L.A, New York, London, Australia, and of course a little T.O. love. Anything from clothing, shoes and accessories that we feel are current or fashion forward and are missing in T.O. We will always have something for the girl who likes to stand out amongst the crowd – and at affordable prices! Our stock is absolutely a direct reflection of our closets! We hand-select and love and want to own every single piece.

How would you describe Toronto fashion—is there anything else like it?

We love Toronto fashion! There’s so much personal style in the city – but you really have to hunt around if you don’t want to spend a lot of money and don’t want to look like every other girl wearing Aritzia or Urban Outfitters. TSOQ has is all and no more than six of any piece. Once Angela and I have taken ours, there’s really only four left!

What must-have pieces this season will be available in the store?

Brights, neons, white, cut-outs and anything sheer!

What are you both most excited about with The Store opening?

The journey we are taking together – and all of the fabulous people that will become part of our lives!

Who are some of your favourite style inspirations?

I love Anna Dello Russo and Daphne Guinness! If I had that budget, I would dress like that everyday. On my budget, I still manage. Sequins any day of the week, sweats with high heels – I feel you should look your best everyday – and have sex appeal! My fashion is my art. I love getting dressed every day, and standing out amongst the crowd.

For Angela, there’s no one specific person. Anything cute, different and sexy inspires her.

What do you plan to wear to the pre-launch party tonight?

We plan to wear the exact same outfit! We want to show our friends how two people with different bodies and style can wear the same piece and both look fab!

The Store on Queen officially opens on May 18 at 719 Queen St. W. (between Bathurst and Tecumseth streets).

Hosted by well-known fashion personality Jeanne Beker, this exclusive event will be laced with thought-provoking art and the latest in haute couture. Fashionistas and art lovers alike will be treated to a glamorous evening filled with innovative design, gourmet cuisine and fabulous music. At the event, the Fashion Design Council of Canada will also put the spotlight on Canada’s top seven fashion designers and accentuate their artistic talents.

With your generous support, the funds raised from this event will be used to advance the future of Canadian art through interactive educational programming and provocative exhibitions at the McMichael Canadian Art Collection.

Tickets are now on sale for Fashion as Art: EXPOSED! on Saturday, June 16 at the McMichael. Visit mcmichael.com to learn more. Also “like” the event on facebook.com/fashionasart

“Honestly, I don’t know who has the time to get into apps,” I said innocently enough before settling in for a chat with the crew at Apple, who were showing me their latest devices, apps and “what-nots” (my technical term for high-tech gadgets). We looked at a Nike Training Club app (cool), an animated and annotated globe, Barefoot World Atlas (crack for map heads) and a pretty impressive Leonardo da Vinci: Anatomy app. Then they showed me Spelltower—the “killer app.” Okay, it’s a killer app if you’re a word-nerd whose idea of bliss is playing serial games of old-school Scrabble on weekends. On review sites, it’s often described as being “furiously addictive.”  This Boggle-meets-Tetris app takes seconds to learn. As you find words, the tower of letters crumbles, leaving you with fewer and fewer letters to use. To master the game, it takes—in the words of Zach Gage, Spelltower’s designer—all your “lexicological wits and tactical know-how.” Gage, a designer, programmer and conceptual artist from New York, is the mastermind behind this game as well as Halcyon, Bit Pilot and Unify. Unlike his dedicated acolytes, Gage, apparently, isn’t even into word games. “Making games in a genre that I don’t enjoy is a lot of work, but it’s also an incredible amount of fun,” he told an interviewer for Arstechnica. “I’m a big proponent of ‘Outsider Art,’ and I think the same tenets apply to game design. Doing something I don’t understand keeps me focused because I’m learning so much and everything is so exciting. It also affords me the possibility of stumbling on something new that nobody’s ever tried before.” I scored a modest 788 on my first attempt and dropped to 563 the second round—which only fuelled my ambition. Third time was a charm—I clocked out at 1,117. “Quiet” netted me 310 points and a “superb achievement” electronic shout-out. For the next hour, I entered a delicious time warp. Turns out I did have time for this app!

The number one lesson we took away from this episode? Being a grown-up is hard, but pretending that you’re a grown-up can be both hilarious and heartwarming. Below, our recap by character.

HANNAH

Rich, Hannah’s boss, looks like Santa, is fond of inappropriate touching, and is potentially the most understanding boss who has ever existed. After last week’s episode—in which Hannah decides to accept sexual harassment as an inevitable part of her work life—Hannah takes it one step further, after being encouraged by Jessa to get some life experience for her book of essays by sleeping with her boss. She marches into Rich’s office and initiates the following exchange by offering to have sex with him:

Rich: “I’m a married man, Hannah.”

Hannah: “I’ve got a boyfriend. You know what? Adults try things. That’s what I’ve learned.”

Rich: “We work together. This is an inappropriate way to talk to your employer.”

Hannah: “You don’t need to fight it, I’m not, like, trying to frame you. I am letting you know that it is OK for you to act on this fantasy because I am gross, and so are you.” [she moves Rich’s hand to her breast.]

There’s an awkward pause, then Rich bursts out laughing.

Even after he turns her down and she threatens to “go all Erin Brokovitch” on his ass and sue him, Rich retains his sense of humour about the situation and actually wants Hannah to keep her job. Embarrassed, angry and likely a little sore from rejection, Hannah declines, quitting in a hail of ridiculous, childish threats. What she thought would be good fodder for her art blew up in her face.

Hannah goes to her supposed boyfriend Adam’s to tell him about the “sex scandal” at her office, and gets another surprise. Instead of believing that they’re together, after their conversation in Episode 4, Adam believes that they’re officially no longer sleeping together. The only reason they kissed during that conversation was because Hannah “looked sad” and then they had sex of course, because they were already kissing.

Finally, as she leaves his apartment, Hannah realizes that Adam is masturbating.  He invites her to stay and watch “for the story” and then goads her into criticizing him. For some reason this seems to be the most mutually satisfying sexual experience that we’ve seen them have, and it seems likely that this isn’t the last of this truly strange relationship.

MARNIE

Hannah’s journal (sorry Hannah, “notebook”, since it’s “notes for a book”) lit the match that is burning Charnie’s dry pile of leaves of a relationship to the ground. Charlie, hurt by both his girlfriend, Marnie, and her friend Hannah, finally harnesses his pent-up rage (making us like him more than ever before), reclaims his homemade coffee table, and leaves.

Marnie, A-type that she is, believes that since the break-up wasn’t her decision, it must be the wrong decision. She decides to go get him back. She utters a line that we thought was metaphorical: “I am going to put on my sorry face and my party dress and I’m going to get him back.” That is until we saw her march into Ray’s coffee shop wearing her sorry face and her party dress, demanding Charlie’s address so she can go see him. That’s right, these two have dated for years, and she has never been to her boyfriend’s apartment. We hate agreeing with Ray, but Marnie is an asshole.

When she arrives at his place, she gets a dose of reality. Charlie has made his tiny apartment cool “like a Target ad” all by himself, and she never knew about it. He seems committed to the break-up, pointing out she isn’t in love with him. But that doesn’t matter to her, since what she cares about is having him love her. Of course Charlie lets himself get talked into getting back together, with promises, among other things, that she’ll be nice to his friends and won’t ignore his sister’s IMs. Mid-way through the make-up sex, once she has gotten her way, Marnie realizes that staying together is a bad idea. She dumps Charlie while he is still inside of her—a truly brutal move that makes us sure that he will, as Hannah wrote, find someone better for him.

JESSA

Jessa is fully committed to her free spirit, woman of mystery role. It leads to her offering terrible advice, such as her suggestion that Hanna “hump” her boss for the experience. While she obviously sees herself as a woman of the world, Jessa doesn’t seem to really know much about relationships, work or any other adult topic.

After another creepy encounter with the father of her babysitting charges, Jessa goes out to meet her ex, who apparently dumped her (with good reason in our opinion, since she threw his Vespa in a lake). She takes his announcement that he is moving in with his girlfriend Gillian as a challenge. First she pokes fun at the poor woman—who we can’t imagine would be too happy about her boyfriend visiting with this particular ex—and then seduces him (giving poor Shoshanna quite an eyeful).

Refusing to kiss him afterwards is her final blow to his relationship and his ego. As she tells Shoshanna, her point was to show that she “can’t be smoted”. The exchange reminded us of something she had said earlier about Adam—“Guys like that will try anything once. Even love”—could actually be true about her too. She may see herself as a woman, but her behaviour in this episode makes it clear that she’s more like a teenager testing the limits and hoping someone will make her pull it together.

SHOSHANNA

Shoshanna knew that living with Jessa would be exciting, but she probably didn’t expect to have a live porn act burst in mid-day while she was cleaning her closet. As a virgin, this was undoubtedly the first sex she had ever witnessed (she doesn’t strike me as the porn-watching type). All in a day’s work for any roommate of Jessa’s. Even though she only uttered one small squeak in the entire episode, Shosh’s facial expressions alone ensure she keeps her status as our favourite of the girls.

The lines we loved best:

1. (At the Galactic Safe Sex Ball, Oberlin College, 2007, after Marnie ate a pot brownie with a jello shot on it.)

Jessa: “Is the music going like waw-waw-waw-waw?”

Marnie: “Yes! Yes, yes.”

Jessa: “Do you feel like your heart is just going to like fall out through your vagina?”

Marnie: “Maybe I do, I don’t know…yeah!”

Jessa: “Omigod I want one!”

2. Jessa: “Oh my God, oh my God Shoshanna! You’re a batshit little perv! I knew you were crazy, but fucking perv! OK, so just so you know what you just saw, that was me showing that I cannot be smoted. I am unsmotable!”

3. Rich: “Please Hannah, please don’t quit. We can get past this.”

Hannah: “You want to get past this? I just tried to fuck you, sue you and extort you. I’m fucking nuts why would you want me in your office?”

Rich: “Because you’re great! I mean you don’t know how to do anything but you have so much potential. Think about it!”

Hannah: “I’m so glad you’re not my dad or my boyfriend.”

READ MORE

GIRLS recap, Episode 4

GIRLS recap, Episode 3

GIRLS recap, Episode 2

GIRLS recap, Episode 1

Mother-daughter fabulousness of Carine Roitfeld and Julia Restoin-Roitfeld sitting front row at Alexander Wang’s Spring/Summer 2012 runway show. Image courtesy of ImaxTree.com.

Whether it’s applying clear nail polish to mend a pantyhose run or how to end a relationship gracefully, a mother’s advice is as sharp and on-point as she is. You heard from Canadian designers about how their mothers influenced them; now some of the most memorable words of wisdom – and trade secrets – from the strong women who inspired the ELLE Canada team.

“My mother didn’t have the remotest interest in fashion or beauty. For her, a woman was both beautiful and fashionable if she had something witty to say; could engage in a thoughtful debate or tell a great tale. Solid – and inspired – advice on both counts, I’d say.”

- Noreen Flanagan, Editor-in-chief.

“Sleep without a pillow under your head to reduce double-chin and always keep a somewhat tight thread tied around your waist to keep it from getting bigger (it will remind you when you are getting beyond limits!). P.S. I love my mom!”

- Beatriz Juarez, Art director

“My mum didn’t give me a lot of beauty advice, but she always told me to push back my cuticles with a towel after I get out of the shower. It’s now part of my routine!”

- Ciara Rickard, Production editor

“Always wash your face before you go to bed.”

- Christina Reynolds, Managing editor

“My mom has great skin, so when it comes to beauty I took her advice. She always told me to wash off my makeup before bed and moisturize, moisturize, moisturize! I’m pretty lucky I inherited some of her best qualities, flawless complexion included! On the fashion front, she always said that I never listened!”

- Noah Lehava, Web editor

“The best beauty advice my mom ever gave me was to embrace my natural curls. I spent too many years brushing them out, pulling back my hair and giving myself terrible blowouts as she rolled her eyes. I didn’t want to have my mom’s mess of black curls. It seemed so uncool. Now that I let my hair do as it pleases, I feel much more myself and am actually glad to look like my mother’s daughter.”

- Kathryn Hudson, Features editor

“My mom taught us to shop for quality over quantity, and to take care of the pieces we bought so they would last. She gets a ton of wear out of her clothes season after season and she always looks amazing!”

- Corissa Bagan, Production designer

“When I moved to Halifax to attend university, my mom gave me three pieces of important life advice. I don’t remember the first two, but the third was ‘Always wear comfortable shoes.’ I don’t follow that as often as I should, but every time I’m limping about in heels, I remember that and it makes me want to give her a hug.”

-Laura deCarufel, Executive editor

“My mom always took great care of her nails. She never wore polish and always had them in the same shape, but she took the time to groom them and make sure they looked feminine, healthy and in flawless condition. I don’t remember her telling me to take care of my nails, but just seeing her spend time on them has been passed down to me and my obsession with perfect nails.”

- Jennifer Weatherhead, Senior web editor

England is known for many wonderful things – its designers, street style stars, museums – but its cuisine is not one of them (steak and kidney pie, anyone? Didn’t think so). But, without doubt, one of its most delicious traditions is afternoon tea: dainty sandwiches, fresh scones and delectable cakes all washed down with the world’s best teas. While this tasty ritual has been adopted in other parts of the world, no one does it quite like the Brits.

So, in my quest to find the ultimate afternoon tea, I’ve had the pleasure of sampling some of London’s finest offerings and present here a mini-guide to the capital’s best tea experiences, complete with recommended fashion looks for each one. The next time you’re in town – to, you know, shop, buy real estate, catch up with Will and Kate – set aside a few hours for this most enjoyable of customs.

1. The Berkeley ($63; Wilton Place, Knightsbridge)

Combining two of our favourite things – fashion and sweet treats – the Berkeley’s Prêt-à-Portea celebrates our sartorial heroes with cookies taking the form of fluoro-yellow Louboutin stilettos, a vanilla cake in the guise of a Fendi bag and other delicious offerings that change according to the season’s current collections. This year, in honour of the Queen’s jubilee, the Berkeley is offering a special royal-themed tea: Nibble on confections in the shape of the infamous Philip Treacy fascinator Princess Beatrice sported to last year’s royal wedding or the maple leaf hat that the Duchess of Cambridge wore on her visit to Canada last summer.

What to wear: Cutting edge spring fashion from the top designer labels (or your best approximations). We love the water theme that swept the Spring/Summer 2012 runways in the form of prints, scalloped textures and lovely variations on the colour blue.

Runway inspiration: Mary Katrantzou, Versace, Chanel

2. Liberty ($30; Great Marlborough Street, just east of Regent Street)

Handily placed for a break from Oxford Street shopping, Liberty is in one of London’s most beautiful and iconic buildings – and the perfect place for a spot of tea. Known for its lovely fabrics and designer gear, this historic department store is a treasure trove of temptation; but if you can make it from the door to the tearoom without dropping a month’s salary on its gorgeous offerings, you’ll be rewarded with a classic afternoon tea in a stylish salon.

What to wear: Ladylike chic fused with downtown cool. Think patterned pencil skirts, pleated dresses and sheer blouses thrown over lace – or leather! – camis.

Runway inspiration: Nina Ricci, Roland Mouret, Proenza Schouler

The Palm Court at The Ritz, set for afternoon tea.

3. The Ritz ($68; 150 Piccadilly)

Tea at the Ritz is an institution. It’s so popular here, they now have five seatings – the first at 11:30 a.m. and the last at 7:30 p.m., making it more of an “all day” tea! But, stepping into the ornately beautiful Palm Court, you can see why people keep coming: It’s hard to imagine a more appropriate setting than this Louis XVI room. The Queen herself celebrated her 80th birthday at the Ritz, and apparently Buckingham Palace has dubbed it her “local.” If it’s good enough for Her Majesty, it’s good enough for me.

What to wear: Well, there is a dress code. Jeans and sports shoes aren’t permitted, and “gentlemen are required to wear a jacket and tie.” Why not embrace the grandeur of the occasion with an on-trend lace ensemble? Make a lace frock look modern by pairing it with a fitted blazer in a sweet sorbet shade.

Runway inspiration: Erdem, Valentino

4. The Wolseley ($34; 160 Piccadilly)

Here’s one a lot of tourists won’t know about. The Wolseley, on the same tony stretch of Piccadilly as The Ritz and Fortnum & Mason, is popular among high-powered media types from the surrounding upscale areas as a venue for working breakfasts and lunches. Be sure to admire the detailed decor while you sip your tea: The high ceiling and striking art deco interior are vestiges of The Wolseley’s original incarnation as a prestigious car showroom in the 1920s. I liked the feeling that I was “in the know” when I visited.

What to wear: Art deco fashion with a modern twist. Pair a drop-waist flapper frock with peep-toe leather ankle booties and an enigmatic smile.

Runway inspiration: Chloé, Derek Lam, Gucci

Classic afternoon tea at Fortnum & Mason.

5. Fortnum & Mason ($61; 181 Piccadilly)

Stepping into the Diamond Jubilee Tea Salon on the fourth floor at Fortnum & Mason feels a bit like stepping into the 1950s: think pale green sofas, beautiful china, someone tinkling the ivories in the middle of the vast room and a refined atmosphere. You’ll instantly want to sit up straight and not laugh too loud (like we did – the family at the neighbouring table moved), but it’s worth behaving properly. Everything here is delish, and I couldn’t stop admiring the pretty teapot and cups.

What to wear: Pastels. Mint, lilac, strawberry – the entire palette is on the style set’s menu this spring.

Runway inspiration: Christopher Kane, Hussein Chalayan, Louis Vuitton

6. The Wallace Collection ($28; Manchester Square)

Combine your afternoon tea experience with a little culture at the Wallace Collection, an impressive museum in a historic London townhouse in the pretty neighbourhood of Marylebone. I spent hours wandering around there last summer, enjoying the 18th-century-style rooms as much as the art itself. The tea is served in a bright, peaceful courtyard enclosed by the house and comes with all the requisite elements, as well as preserves from the much-lauded Peyton and Byrne food company.

What to wear: Couture silhouettes. Think voluminous drapery and structure in the form of coats, dresses and – the season’s unavoidable trend – peplums.

Runway inspiration: Dries Van Noten, Gareth Pugh, Jil Sander