Recap: Season 2, Episode 1.
The GIRLS are back in town. We left them each at a crossroads—Hannah was eating cake alone after fighting with Adam about moving in together and watching him get hit by a truck in the street, Shoshanna was finally losing her virginity, to Ray of all people, Marnie was making out with a chubby funnyman after brushing off a chance to hook up with her ex Charlie, and Jessa, predictably unpredictable, was marrying a finance guy in a surprise ceremony. In GIRLSland that wasn’t so long ago, so let’s dive right in and see whether any or all of our heroines have found themselves on the right road.
At the beginning of season one we found Hannah spooning with her roommate, and it seems not much has changed. Except that rather than uptight Marnie, the big spoon is now Hannah’s gay ex and current roomie Elijah. The plan they hatched at Jessa’s wedding has come to pass and they are as snug as two bugs in a Brooklyn rug.
Elijah is not the only new man in Hannah’s life however. She is dating someone distinctly unAdamish, Sandy (played by Donald Glover). They are having lots of sex, chasing each other around bookstores just as fast as his boner allows, but when he indirectly uses the dreaded L word, she makes it clear that is not something she wants to hear – she is trying to learn her lesson after the intensity of her doomed relationship with Adam.
And what of poor old broken leg Adam? Hannah hasn’t quite gotten around to telling him about her new man-friend, and doesn’t plan to until he “is capable of wiping himself”. In fact, she is still acting as nursemaid, coming by with videos, takeout and prescriptions. It is causing confusion – as he puts it she is there all the time, and is his “main hang” so he isn’t so worried about labeling things as long as they continue. Since it’s hard to tell a guy you are dating somebody else while you hold a pot for him to pee in, Hannah bides her time.
Meanwhile she has a party to throw in her newly styled pad – a house warming with Elijah, and a chance for him to show off his rich boyfriend George. One small hitch; George thinks the hipster gathering in Brooklyn is boring, and decides to get roaring drunk to make up for it. Cue an embarrassing karaoke attempt, followed by a smack down of Elijah’s “boring” friends – don’t they realize how much more fun it was when he was their age “snorting coke on twinks and dacing with (his) tits out?”. Elijah needs Hannah’s help to get him out before he ruins Elijah’s whole party/life.
Click through for the full recap + our favourite lines from the episode…
Hannah uses escorting George out as a cover for her own escape – heading off into the night to deliver a care package for Adam. When she tries to drop and run, Adam lays out how he really feels – she is the best thing in his life, he doesn’t know how to behave without her, and he’ll die if she goes away. Finally she has to say it straight out – she has changed her mind about being with him and at the moment never wants to see him again. It’s her choice! Even though her roommate spooning is the same, apparently her taste in guys is not.
Shosh’s pink palace is intact, and we first see her performing a sage burning cleansing ritual while thanking the higher powers for her “keen mathematical mind and fairly fast growing hair.” Assets indeed. She also requests that the universe present her with her true path, and ruin Ray’s life. It seems the deflowering did not go well.
What is going well is her style – she shows up at Hannah and Elijah’s party in a frosty blue dress and fascinator that would make Kate Middleton swoon. She is dolled up with purpose. She knows Ray may (or may not, literally like, whatever) be coming to the party and she is ready to show him he doesn’t matter one bit. She “may be deflowered, but (she’s) not devalued.”
She snubs him as soon as she sees him (“Hello….good bye”) and then executes her plan, singing karaoke in an attempt to seem like she is having the best time, and who cares about Ray anyways? I understand the attraction – his karaoke duet with Charlie was atonal but strangely compelling.
He is still into her, appearing near her throughout the party until finally following her into the bedroom as she digs for her “very shiny” coat. And now the truth comes out – she is angry (so angry she unfriended him on Facebook) because after he slept with her he stopped calling, possibly because she was sending him texts made up entirely of emoji (“A panda next to a gun, next to a wrapped gift? That makes no sense!”) He explains that when they aren’t around each other he forgets her charms, but when he sees her in person it all comes back. After an attempted storm-out, Shosh succumbs, and a surely epic on-the-coats make out sesh commences. As she would put it, OH EMM F-ING GEE, these two are far from over.
Marnie is the girl who always has her life in order, so when we see her get unceremoniously fired by her kooky gallery boss we know that her existential struggles have only just begun.
It isn’t really helped by lunch with her beautiful mother (Rita Wilson), who immediately announces that Marnie looks like she is “30 years old” (harsh words to a 25 year old) She doesn’t seem like the type to have raised an anal retentive control freak like Marnie – she calls Marnie out for being prudish (so true!) about her relationship with a cater waiter who is her daughter’s age. As she points out, sometimes all you need is a pair of rough hands on your body, something Marnie should relate to after finally breaking up with Charlie and his decidedly not rough hands.
Speaking of, she happens upon him at Hannah’s party, waiting patiently outside the bathroom door like a child who is worried about losing his mom in the mall (albeit with more straggly facial hair). The gesture reminds her what a nice date he always was, although it seems Audrey has taken on the role of “girlfriend increasingly annoyed by Charlie’s hangdog nice guy routine.”
Another on the list of Marnie’s problems – Hannah seems to have moved on to a new bestie, and doesn’t have time to hang with Marnie. Nothing seems to be going her way, until Charlie is blown off by his manic pixie pothead of a girlfriend. She looked vaguely smug until he began to rhapsodize about his new relationship and their constant exchange of ideas (“a conversation?” she quipped.) This night is not your best girl, time to call it a night.
Unfortunately she doesn’t take this sage advice, and instead selects a 90’s power ballad and lets it rip with Elijah as back up. She is extremely susceptible to compliments after her no good very bad day, so when Elijah tells her she could sing professionally she practically purrs. After his own night of despair, knowing that he can’t just dump George since he pays for everything, Elijah is feeling in need of a little positive attention too. Why wouldn’t he feel sorry for himself when he is part of both groups of people it is still PC to make fun of – bisexuals and Germans.
What happens next is an awkward, unsexy car wreck – when two overconfident narcissists who aren’t attracted to each other have sex the results aren’t pretty. First Elijah loses the wind in his sails, and then they fight over whether or not Marnie was rolling her eyes at him. It is over nearly as soon as it starts, but surely not soon enough to save them both from the future wrath of Hannah.
Marnie ends her day of bad decisions on the doorstep of her former fuzzy blanket of a boyfriend Charlie asking to sleep over. All we have to say is watch out – that Audrey may be little but she looks scrappy.
Jessa misses the housewarming party, and all the action in her friends’ lives because she is still on her honeymoon. We see her and her new husband arrive later that night, and we’re sorry to say we aren’t betting on the marriage lasting in the long term. If cornrows and a hysterical laughing outburst when you can’t remember where you live aren’t signs of a quarter life crisis we aren’t sure what is.
THE LINES WE LIKED BEST:
1) Adam: “Have you ever got along with someone like this? Have you ever known someone this well? Because I haven’t and I bet you haven’t. Did you like fucking me? I think you did. I came, you came hard, we all laughed. What’s the issue?”
Hannah: “You’re not being that nice to me so I’m not sure why you’d even want to have me around.”
Adam: “Well when you love someone you don’t have to be nice all the time.”
2) Marnie’s mom: “All you girls think you look really good, but you just look like floats in the Macy’s parade, these big heads on these tiny bodies.”
3) Elijah on theme party ideas: “I was thinking we could do something more like a French salon.”
Hannah: “Ok, I love that idea because I’ve always felt like I was secretly really good at cutting hair.”
GIRLS recap, season finale: “Are you punking me?”
GIRLS recap, Episode 9: “YOU are the wound.”
GIRLS recap, Episode 8: “I’ve never been this miserable in my life.”
GIRLS recap, Episode 7: “I can just tell when someone thinks that it’s spelled with a ‘c’.”
GIRLS recap, Episode 6: ”I have been dating someone who treats my heart like it’s monkey meat.”