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To love or not to love
Does love require sacrifice? Jann Arden weighs in.
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DEAR JANN: I dated a guy several years ago and just recently reconnected with him. I still don't know if I'm madly in love with him, but I'm more comfortable with him than I am with anyone. The problem -- or at least my friends think it is -- is that I seem to have lost interest in things that have always been important to me, such as school and volunteering. I'm okay with this, buy my friends are worried that he's taking away things that have brought meaning to my life. They say I'll regret it if I stay with him. I tell them I just have changed my priorities and that, for me right now, I want to work on having a relationship. Do you think I'm in denial? WORRIED
Dear WORRIED: There is always a downside to everything, if that's how you want to look at it -- lots of upsides too. Please don't change yourself for this man, or anyone, for that matter. You are worth nothing to anyone, especially yourself, if you stop working on you. No one respects someone who has no identity. No interests, no self. Be careful. Be mindful of your friends; they are going to be with you until the end -- he may not. Listen to your little voice. It will tell you things that you may not want to hear, but that's why it's there. It's your god inside. You have to have yourself intact if you ever truly want to be anybody else. Don't screw that up.
DEAR JANN: You always say that you don't have any issues with your body. That's great. I know you're probably going to give me shit when you hear what my problem is. Recently I started dating a guy who I really like. He's charismatic, smart and funny. He also happens to be about 50 pounds overweight. I work hard at staying in shape and I really enjoy physical activity. Usually the guys I date are into fitness and look pretty good. Beyond vanity, I think it reflects a healthy interest and respect for your body. I'm ashamed to admit it, but when we have sex, I like him to keep his shirt on to cover his stomach. Am I just being vain? Is it wrong to want to be with someone who shares your committment to looking and feeling good? BUFF
Photo courtesy of Norbert Mayer
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