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Should I audition for Canadian Idol?
Find out what Jann thinks about music "reality" shows.
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DEAR JANN: I was thinking of auditioning for the next round of Canadian Idol. As an industry insider, do you think this is a credible way to break into the music biz? KEYED UP
DEAR KEYED UP: Now don't go making me mad! Where in hell's good name is the first guy -- what's his pickle from Canadian Idol? The second guy is singing about dreams. (Please shoot me if I sing songs about dreams, dreaming, dreamt and dreamed. I may well have the word dream in one of my songs, but I was clearly drunk when I put it in there -- and pathetic besides.) Even the best of the best in the music business have to really struggle and fight with every inch of their talent to stay in the business for more than two records -- talent being the keyword here. Experience is also what people look up to. I have never advocated these so-called talent shows. To me, they're nothing more than a passing fancy for the easily amused. Fame is a really stupid thing to work for.
DEAR JANN: Recently I was gossiping about a friend at a party, and she overheard me making fun of her relationship woes. I've really hurt her feelings and I truly doubt she'll ever confide in me again. Is there any way to save face? BLABBERMOUTH
DEAR BLABBERMOUTH: You are an idiot. That kind of stuff always bites you in the ass. If it didn't happen then, it would have come back to you at some point down the road. You are not a friend. To have a friend, you must be a friend. You don't deserve a friend. Quit gossiping; it's terrible, hurtful and you're no longer in Grade 9. I bet you've never had a relationship problem; you're perfect, or think you are. That's what gossipers do to keep themselves above the throngs -- you push other people down. Anything you say about anybody else is actually about you. I bet your favourite band is the Go-Go's. I would apologize on my hands and knees if I were you. You're going to run out of friends pretty quickly doing what you're doing. I don't think you can save face -- and everybody around you will think twice about the kind of person you are. Time is a wiser healer; you had better hope it goes by without more hurtful words -- or you're sunk.
DEAR JANN: I am afraid to fail. I find that I will choose new jobs and work assignments only if I am guaranteed to succeed. This phobia limits what I can do because I never take chances. Help! INSECURE
DEAR INSECURE: First of all, you have to never be afraid to suck! I have never ever learned a damn thing in my life from getting it "right." I have learned the most valuable lessons when I have completely screwed up/dropped the ball/bit the bullet/landed flat on my arse/ blown it and so on. If you think you can avoid failing, then you are the kind of person who is most likely shallow, frightened, insecure (just like you said) and just plain silly. Life is an adventure and, believe me, what you gain just by trying is immeasurable -- try, try, try. Failing is succeeding; it means you're out there putting your heart on the line and taking chances. Now get out there and suck!
Please send your questions to:
Ask Jann, ELLE
25 Sheppard Ave. W., Suite 100,
Toronto, Ont., M2N 6S7
fax: 416-733-7981
E-mail: askjann@ellecanada.com
Photo courtesy of Norbert Mayer
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