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Sex, lies and philanthropy
Parents against gay marriage, backstabbing co-workers and vivid sexual fantasies -- Jann tackles all your problems.
By Jann Arden
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DEAR JANN:
My brother is gay, but I'm the only one in the family who knows about this. Our parents are rather closed-minded. My mother, in particular, is totally riled up about the gay marriage issue. Every time she rants about it in front of my brother, I know it hurts him deeply. He has asked me to not say anything, but I feel badly knowing that her hateful words are going to make my brother feel he can't be open with his family. Any suggestions? HEARTBROKEN
DEAR HEARTBROKEN:
It would be in bad taste for me to offer any advice to either you or your brother. In more general terms I will tell you that, to me, it is such a non-issue. It's like someone telling me they've got hair in their armpits. People are not homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual or asexual. People, my dear Heartbroken, are sexual. I wish the world were kinder, more understanding and more open. It's okay to strap a bomb to your body and blow up a bunch of kids, but two fellas marrying each other? Come on, people, where's your sense of decency? You see, the world revolves around fear. When you point a finger at somebody, look closely, because there'll be three fingers pointing right back at you. Your parents are missing out on a wonderful guy's life. It's a shame what fear can and will do on both sides -- not just your parents'.
DEAR JANN:
This past year I've discovered a side of my personality that I'm a little disgusted with, to be honest. I used to be great friends with this other woman at work. A few months back, we were both competing for a new position. I completely stabbed her in the back on a number of occasions so that I could make myself look like the stronger candidate. I got the job, but I feel so horrible about it, I can't even look her in the eye. She has no idea that I've been duplicitous, and keeps asking me what's wrong and why we're no longer friends. What do you think I should do? ASHAMED
DEAR ASHAMED:
Who are you people? What did your parents teach you, or did the Mafia raise you? That has to be it -- you were raised by Scarface and Hell's Angels. Cripes, you're destined for disaster. You have to know that your character is indeed your fate. Everything that you do is written down on a cloud, folded up and put into a jar somewhere in your life vault. You are a miserable excuse for a human being. You will never truly feel successful, happy or satisfied with your ill-begotten job -- and so you shouldn't. You people always get ahead, but not a single soul shows up for your memorial. Someone is patiently waiting to stab you in the back, and, personally, I can't wait.
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