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Relationship expert: Puzzled, curious or perplexed?
Intuitive counselor to the jet-set fashion and music crowd, Susan King is always ready to offer her inspired insights.
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Web exclusive question
Dear Susan: I got married when I was 18. (My husband was 11 years older than me.) My parents and friends were against this marriage because of the age difference and because he has a different nationality and religion. His relatives weren't thrilled either. But at that time I couldn't imagine my life without him. We worked hard at the relationship for the first five years. After I graduated from university I landed a job and things were fine until I accidentally got pregnant. After the baby was born, I stayed at home for another year and one half. During that time my husband started seeing another woman. He was constantly putting me down in the hopes I would say I wanted a divorce. I was afraid to become a single mom with limited financial means. I was also fearful our child wouldn't know her father. My parents divorced when I was seven and it was a real tragedy for me. So I stayed with him. I eventually returned to work and began to feel more confident that I could support my daughter on my own. For the past year my husband has been out of work and is very unhappy. He is paying more attention to me, but I want to leave. I don't because I'm afraid my daughter would be devastated. I know what that pain feels like and I don't want to inflict that on her. I'm also afraid to be alone. What advice do you have for me? Defeated.
Dear Defeated: Firstly, you can stop by calling yourself "defeated." You are a patient and strong woman. Sadly, you married a very selfish man who is only now realizing what a jewel you are. Do you really think your child would wish you to live an unhappy life just for her? I very much doubt that. I cannot tell you to walk out; only you can make that decision. But I do see you going, if not now, then in the next two years. After you have taken this step, I bet you will have wished you did it years ago. You're going to have a new beginning and a new chance at happiness. The next few years are going to reward you with a strong sense of self and achievement.
More relationship advice on the next page!
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