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How to save your relationship
Jann tells two ELLE readers about the importance of communication
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Visit our forums to chat about relationships with other readers!
DEAR JANN: I had an operation a year ago and ended up gaining weight because I couldn't exercise. One night, my best friend came over to watch a movie. She said her pants were too tight and asked if she could borrow my sweatpants. I gave her a pair, and she started prancing around, laughing at how big they were on her. I was so hurt that I haven't spoken with her since. I have joined a gym and lost most of the weight. Now I want to run into her so she knows I'm not a big, fat heifer. Is that petty? SWEET REVENGE
Dear Sweet Revenge: I'm not too sure where to start. I think you have a lot of anger -- and I mean a LOT. Never ever take things personally, no matter who it comes from. People do hurtful things to one another because of their own insecurities. Your friend probably feels like crap herself. Don't lose weight to find some kind of wierd, misplaced revenge; lose weight for your health and your own happiness. lose weight to gain confidence and self-empowerment; don't lose it for her. It sounds to me like you are as hard on yourself as your best friend was. You know, you could call her up and say,"Hey, you really need to know how much your comments bothered me, and I'd like to know why you felt the need to make them." Many problems stem from misunderstanding and a lack of communication.
DEAR JANN: I'm a 34-year old father of two and have been married for seven years now. Recently I went to my wife's staff party with our kids. I overheard a colleague talking about weekend drinking parties my wife's boss has at his place. Lots of hooking up happens there, and a few marriages have been destroyed. I confronted my wife about this, and only when she saw that I knew a bit about the parties did she start talking. She assures me that nothing happened when she was there a few times, but she admitted that her boss has made a few passes at her. (He did at the party I attended with our kids!) We've grown distant this past year, so I'm not sure how she really feels. I want to confront this man and give him a piece of my mind. I can't believe he made a pass at her in front of me and our children. I'm feeling very insecure, angry and jealous. ANGRY HEART
Dear Angry Heart: Don't you know that men think with their weenies? He doesn't care about you or your kids -- or your wife, for that matter. You know, sometimes booze can make an innocent get-together an absolute freak show. I'm surprised that your wife is finding anything of value there for her and her intellect. You and your wife have some serious talking to do. This isn't just about the creepy boss; it's about your wife's distance and the breakdown of your marriage. Time for some counselling, I think. Time for some real heart-to-heart about your children and their future.
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