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How to find a husband in 90 days
Follow one woman's quest to find her ideal mate.
By Jane Boyd
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It happened around 2 a.m. -- though I can't be sure. I passed out on my hardwood floor, and it's difficult to tell time when you're unconscious. I had the flu, became dehydrated and fainted. The next day, while nursing my badly bruised face and stitched lip, I had a revelation: living alone not only has its challenges (I get rid of mice how?) but also can be dangerous. Consider the perils: choking while eating alone and slipping while bathing alone.
Oh, I'd been happy enough on my own. I had even figured out how to do Indian takeout for one -- with the ingenious idea of ordering three dishes (for variety) and having the same dinner three nights in a row. But now I was falling over furniture and trowelling concealer across my cheek. I looked to the future and saw a woman who was afraid to take a bath, wishing someone would take out the garbage while she polished off the sag paneer -- that woman was me.
I had lived with a boyfriend for many years. I knew something about love, but now it was time to be practical: I needed to find a husband.
Day 1. Reality is not reality TV, where houses are completely renovated in a weekend and teenage girls become America's Next Top Model in eight weeks. Three months should do it.
Day 3. I ask friends if they know of anyone who's single. I don't feel discouraged when I get replies like "Not offhand," "Huh?" and "Don't call me when you need a bridesmaid." I am on a mission -- a mission of matrimony.
Day 12. My friend Catherine says that once you take away all the men in the world who are over 40 and married, gay, homeless, insane, over six foot eight and under five foot eight, only 1.25 percent could be my husband.
"So you mean I shouldn't count out short men?"
"Have you tried the Internet?" she asks.
Day 20. I've heard that men who post ads online are either lying about themselves or married, but why not have some fun? Click. Here's "French guy" with "Life is short; let us make it long." Ah, yes -- fun.
Share your relationship experience in our forums!
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