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Ask Susan: Relationship strategies
Intuitive counsellor to the jet-set fashion and music crowd, Susan King is always ready to offer her inspired insights.
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Get immediate advice from other readers in our forums!
WEB EXCLUSIVE QUESTION!
Dear Susan: I'm 30 years old and have never had a boyfriend. I think I'm always misreading signals guys send out. I think they're interested and then when I make a move they end up being attached and I end up feeling like a fool. Will I ever find someone who will see me for who I am? Frustrated
Dear Frustrated:
Don't give up! It's time you build your confidence. Over the last few years you have tended to shy away from people and you've let opportunities pass you by because you felt that no one would want you. When you did approach guys, I think you knew deep down that they were attached, but you set yourself to fail by approaching them. You need to get out there and meet new people. Be optimistic and open and you'll be surprised at who will walk into your life. We send out energy, which others pick up. If you have smile on your face and are positive about yourself people will be drawn to you. In six months' time you'll be irresistible. Get cracking.
Dear Susan: I have a problem that I don't feel comfortable discussing with my friends and family. It's kind of embarrassing, but I haven't really dated anyone in two years. The last guy I went out with basically used me as a distraction after he broke up with his girlfriend. We eventually split up. After this happened, I went out with an old friend and we ended up fooling around. He wanted to have sex, but I wouldn't because I was still getting over the first guy. A week later, my friend called to ask me out on another date. I agreed, but then he stood me up-I guess it was to get back at me for not having sex with him. Since then, I've concentrated more on my studies than my love life. I've been interested in a couple of guys, but I feel like I've lost all my confidence when it comes to men. A few months ago, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and let a guy know that I was interested in him. Turns out, he had a girlfriend and I was left feeling like a moron! I keep telling myself to just focus on school, but I'm feeling lonely and would like to meet someone-I just don't know how. Help! Lonely girl
Dear Lonely Girl: Let's face it: finding the right mate is never easy. But take heart: you are very young, and what you're experiencing isn't unusual, so don't feel like you're the odd one out. It's natural that you want a relationship, but you don't have to push yourself out of your comfort zone to get one. I sense that you've never been an overly confident person but, in recent years, you've developed a stronger sense of yourself through your hard work and determination to succeed in life. It's time to pat yourself on the back. With increased confidence comes an awareness of what kinds of relationships you want to have in your life. Don't get caught up in anyone's games. Forget your past disappointments and move forward. I feel certain that soon you will meet an intelligent, green-eyed man with gorgeous dark hair and a quiet soul.
Dear Susan: My best friend is a very outgoing girl who has always been fun to be around. But over time, my feelings for her have changed. I was going to tell her this on our next movie date, but she had to cancel. When we chatted later that week, she told me that she had just started seeing a guy. I don't want to hurt her feelings or our friendship, but I really think that she deserves better than him-and I'm not just saying that because I like her. A month ago, this guy was dating her friend. He is jealous of my friendship with her and has asked her not to spend as much time with me. Any advice? Broken best friend
Dear Broken Best Friend: Alas, you're obviously being kept out of the way because the new boyfriend prefers it that way. You're not going to get any medals or accolades for making him out to be the bad guy to your friend. If you do, you will damage your friendship and she'll think that you're just jealous. Here's what you have to do: nothing. Just call her from time to time and let her know that you're there. Like a boomerang, she will soon be back in your life. The man she is seeing is insecure and deceitful. Your friend has to see that for herself, and only then will she come back. Be patient: I think you'll see results within the next 12 weeks.
Have a question for Susan? Email her at asksusan@ellecanada.com.
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