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Ask Susan: Men on our minds
Intuitive counsellor to the jet-set fashion and music crowd, Susan King is always ready to offer her inspired insights.
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WEB EXCLUSIVE QUESTION:
Dear Susan: About two years ago I meet a man from the U.S. who works in my industry. He and my friend were interested in each other, so this was just a friendship between us. That said, we had a very strong connection -- everyone felt it. We became friends and stayed in touch when he left. We have tried to hook up a few times but plans changed. (he is not married) A while ago we booked a trip to meet in another city. I was over the moon! When I called and told him my flight info, he never called back. I have not heard from him again and that was a year ago!!!!! We had a cool friendship, who knows if it could have been more. I am confused and want some kind of closure. Still waiting
Dear Still waiting: You have closure. This relationship was never going to be anything from the word go. He may not have been married but he was not free. He was committed and he didn't have the guts to tell you. He behaved like a little boy. My advice? Don't waste a second of your precious time thinking about him anymore. You're so caught up in this you cannot see tomorrow for yourself. I feel Mexico... Are you planning a trip there? If you are it will be the beginning of a new phase of life for you -- especially emotionally. The past is dead, look to tomorrow.
Dear Susan: In 2005, I met a man while I was working overseas. It wasn't romantic -- we were just friends. I will be visiting his country again before the end of the year. We haven't stayed in touch, which I regret, but I would like to look him up for a drink. Do you think I should bother, or am I just holding on to a good memory? Curious
Dear Curious: Yes, of course you should give him a call. If he is free, I'm sure he will meet you for a drink. But let's just back up here, shall we? I sense that you're feeling quite lost and alone right now. It seems that you have developed a notion that this man could be something more than a friend, but I don't think he will be. The last thing you need is a one-night stand. So go ahead and get in touch with him, but I think it's time you cast your net in fresh water. You will be surprised at the tempting offers that come your way.
Dear Susan: Last year I met the man of my dreams -- or so I thought! We dated for months before I realized that he was seeing other women on the side. Since I was the one who saw him the most, I felt especially hurt. A few months after we broke up, he called to tell me how grateful he was for having met me and that I had changed his life. He said I had helped him understand what his problems really were. He ended up dating one of the other women he was seeing while we were going out. He said he felt that we had so much love potential, but because he had hurt me so badly he didn't think it could work between us. My brain says that this is baloney, but my heart wants to believe him. In spite of his faults, I feel that he is a decent guy. I know he is going to try to come back into my life in the future. Should I let go of him for good, or should I listen to my intuition about him being decent and be open to some kind of reconciliation? Does intuition lie, or is it just that love is blind? Blinded
Dear Blinded: Intuition does not lie; it's our own built-in radar system. But it seems that you only feel needed and wanted when you help the underdogs in this world. I'm afraid that this man is a weak-willed dog who plays on the sympathy of others. His problems began in childhood, when his parents stopped getting along. He is a real dreamer, and, yes, he will be back, but by then you won't want him. You know in your heart that he is damaged, but the good in you tries to look beyond his faults. I would encourage you to start socializing a little more. You will be amazed at who comes around the corner. My hunch is that it will be someone who is able to offer you the care and kindness you deserve.
Click here for ELLE's best breakup tips.
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