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Shopping list for a healthy male
Can you spot a good catch? ELLE gives you a list of what to look for!
By Dr. Bethany Marshall
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When you first meet a man, whether it's online, at the grocery store, at a bar, at school, or at your job, you should feel that he wants you.
It may be conveyed by a look, a touch, a compliment, curiosity, or attention to detail. And it must, within a short amount of time, be conveyed in person -- not online, through a text message, or on the phone. And definitely, it should be backed up by his willingness to make a plan to move the relationship forward. If he's not interested enough to in advance and make a plan, he's not interested enough to invest his emotions in a relationship. Conversely, constant calling, emailing, and text-messaging is not true contact. He cannot touch you, see you, adore you, or get to know you through words on a screen or over the phone.
Soon after meeting him, you should discover that he has appropriately achieved in at least one area of his life.
For instant, if he went to college he now has a good job. Or a decent car. If he inherited his parents' business, he has learned how to successfully manage it. Or if he is a member of a baseball team, he has learned to become a team player. His efforts continue to generate new opportunities, new skills, new challenges, or new possessions. Thus, he is progressing and not degenerating.
If he's a healthy man, he will never makes plans for the future that he does not intend to back up.
And he will certainly not say. "I'm not sure where this relationship is going," and then continue to call you and have sex with you. He will not send messages that are confusing and difficult to decipher. A healthy man says what he means and means what he says. And the words he speaks are backed up by action that coincides. Even if he cannot give a guarantee, the relationship is always moving forward. Thus, you will never find yourself drunk-dialing at two in the morning because you fear he is out with another girl. Or find yourself in a situation where he claims to want to get married, but you are the only one planning the wedding and paying for the caterer.
What's your idea of a healthy male? Chat about it in our forums!
Copyright © 2007 by Dr. Bethany Marshall. Printed by permission. Excerpted from the book Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away by Dr. Bethany Marshall published by Simon Spotlight Entertainment, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
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