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Red flags: When to call it quits!
How do you know if it's time to end your relationship? Read our red flag list and find out!
By Kimberlee Roth
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6. You find out he's been lying about his finances and couldn't possibly pay off all his debts until, using conservative calculations, close to the year 2050.
A reasonable amount of debt does not necessarily signal a bad catch, but lying about major issues does. Maybe he fibbed because he didn't want you to think he can't manage money, you say. Maybe that's true. But how did he accumulate so much debt? (Paying off medical bills from a sudden illness? Online gambling addiction?) If you two are talking long-term, are your money management styles compatible? Will you be able to trust him with the checkbook? More importantly, why is he hiding something that would obviously have a big impact on you and your life together? Not to mention your credit rating.
Bottom line: You're not insensitive and materialistic if you show him the door; it means you're looking for someone who won't fritter away your hard-earned cash -- and who is open with you about his shortcomings.
7. You tell him how excited--and a little nervous--you are about going back to school and he tries to discourage you.
If he's to be a keeper, your guy should be your lead cheerleader. Not that he shouldn't share his opinion when he thinks you're headed down the wrong path, but -- if he truly cares for you -- he will push you to accomplish your goals.
Bottom line: Don't waste your precious time with anyone who tries to hold you back, belittle your ambitions or seems jealous or bitter about what you want out of life.
8. He has been "looking" for work since you met him but never seems to have any solid prospects lined up. And although he spends a lot of time on the Internet, you've peeked over his shoulder and he's not on work-related websites.
There's no reason each partner in a relationship shouldn't contribute when it comes to money, but do you want to shoulder the entire burden? Finding employment can be extremely time-consuming since there are a lot of avenues available when one is diligently looking for work; if he's got so much free time in his schedule, he's not looking as hard as he claims. Talk to him about how you can help -- maybe he feels overwhelmed or a little depressed by his lack of success.
Bottom line: If he takes steps in the right direction, give it time. If he spends more time surfing than polishing his résumé, it may be time to resume your own search -- for a new beau.
9. You suggest seeing a counselor together and he refuses to even try it.
Not everyone feels at home in a therapist's office but if it's important to you and he won't budge, that says something about how he's going to approach other decisions in your relationship. What's the harm in indulging you for a session, especially if there's a problem you two need to resolve? Try to find out what his objections are. Why does it make him uncomfortable? His answers should shed some light.
Bottom line: A couple needs to have ways to work through problems together. If your methods are very different and you're each closed to the other's approach, you're going to run into repeated roadblocks.
10. He tells you to shut up, swears at you, pushes you down "by accident" or even "just once," tries to keep you from spending time with your friends or accuses you of cheating on him or looking at other guys.
Girlfriend, you're out of there -- these are common early warning signs of abuse, and you're putting yourself in danger by sticking around.
Bottom line: Seek outside help if you need it, and put your safety above everything else.
What is a red flag for you? Talk about it with other readers in our forums!
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