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Moving in together (gulp)!
Your survival guide for living with your partner.
By Dayna Boyer
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Forget the runway! We roam Canada to check out your street style! Check out the videos here!
Whether you've been dating for years or months, a major relationship question may be lurking in the back of your mind: should we live together? You've corralled your girlfriends together for an advice-session or two, you've made the pro and con list(s), and you've (secretly) glanced at a few places on ViewIt.ca -- you think you might be ready.
Marriage, family and sex therapist, Marion Goertz says couples face a huge number of challenges regarding differing values around money, time, family, friends, having children, getting married, division of labour, religion and cultural differences. Each of these topics needs to be discussed well-before signing lease and here she lists her top tips on what to consider before you make the move.
Can we talk?
You can't talk enough when you're first tossing around the idea of living together -- nothing is too private or should be left to "we'll see what happens". After all, you're about to let another person into your single-gal-world where you're not pretty all the time, so be honest with yourself and your partner.
Pick a place with space
When you begin your apartment quest, go for the extra bedroom if you can. You'll need a place to escape when you feel like pulling your hair out, and if you've saved money to live in a bachelor apartment that pretty much limits you to the bathroom or jumping off the balcony.
Don't rush into splitting everything right away
Sit down and have a talk about who would take what if it ends. For instance, instead of splitting the cost of a new bed, consider one person buying the bed and the other buying the dining room set.
Try to have a living together test-run before making the big move
If at all possible, for a month or so live together in one of your places to check out each other's habits and quirks to make sure you're compatible roommates.
Communicating in close quarters
The relationship will naturally change once living arrangements do, mostly for the better but tension is bound to pop up and how you handle it as a couple could use a little re-working.
Goertz recommends paying attention to your own "hot button" or triggers that get you riled-up, since speaking without taking a moment can lead to an overly escalated situation.
"Recognize your own vulnerabilities and take steps to "stop, look and listen" to your partner, “ she says. “Listen more than you speak; watch your body language and tone for dismissive, critical movements."
Ensure the health of your relationship by cultivating quality time together. Whether it's getting up early in the morning to jog together, or decompressing with a glass of wine after a long day of work. Goertz suggests following the 4 T's: touch, talk, time and trust.
Sex or chocolate? ELLE asks the burning question; which would you choose?
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