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Moving in together (gulp)!
Your survival guide for living with your partner.
By Dayna Boyer
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Subscribe to ELLE Canada -- 12 issues for only $15! You will save 70% off the cover price!
Sex changes
Goertz warns that sex usually decreases once a couple starts living together -- but sometimes not for the person you would expect. “I am seeing more and more men ages 25 to 45 who are struggling with low sexual desire,” says Goertiz. “They are encouraged to examine the pressures in their life, including their satisfaction or lack of it in their job, financial situation etc. to see what's really going on."
She says a lower sex drive can be attributed to the lack of anticipation distance creates both physically and emotionally, so couples usually find other ways to connect with each other. If issues persist, she recommends talking about sex in a relaxed, non-blaming environment to come to a compromise of sexual frequency and technique.; "sex, after all, is a team sport," says Goertz.
Does this mean we're common-law married?
Without diving into the legal speak, simple answer: no.
In Ontario you must live together for 3 years or have a child together before you're considered common-law married, and even then, neither of you is entitled to half the other person's stuff. However, you might be eligible for financial support.
Consider drafting a cohabitation agreement to hash out how property would be divided and if any financial support will be provided for one of the partners. These agreements are not to be taken lightly; if it hasn't been drawn up properly it won't hold up in court.
For more detailed information check out this website: www.familylawtoronto.ca
Or to find out what the common law laws are in every province, check out CommonLawSeparationCanada.com
Maintaining your individuality
Before your vocabulary changes from "I" to "we", take precautions to maintain your own identity in the relationship. Goertz says women have a tendency to give themselves up to the relationship, which is unnecessary and leads to anger when the other person disappoints or betrays us. Be selfish! Don't feel bad for wanting time to yourself, if your relationship and partner are healthy they will understand and want their own alone-time.
"Take a quiet day once a month or a couple of times a year to go away with a notebook and some inspirational reading to ask yourself the questions 'how am I doing...emotionally, physically, sexually, psychologically etc.' Be candid, be humble and be human," Goertz suggests.
So, in the midst of nesting make sure you're getting enough me-time and follow Goertz's advice to indulge in these five things just for you: sleep, nutrition, exercise, social time, and whatever spiritually nurtures you and your relationship will flourish.
Do you have moving in together tips? Share them with other ELLE Canada readers in our forums!
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