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Decode relationship woes
Susan King, counsellor to the stars, offers advice to three ELLE readers.
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DEAR SUSAN: The man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with recently broke up with me. He gave lots of excuses (he's seven years older and feels that I am "too young and vibrant"), but I think it was mostly because he wants to get married and have kids, whereas I want to get married but am not sure about having kids. My question is, how does a person get over something like this? I feel like I can't even function normally because I miss him so much. HEARTBROKEN
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Oh dear, you will have to work through the pain. It will hurt and you'll cry, but in time it will ease and you'll see clear days ahead of you. There's no quick fix. Life brings both pain and joy, but when the pain comes, especially in this way, it can leave us crushed. Our inner selves grow from pain, however. We get to know ourselves better. It can change who we are and what we want. There is a big lesson here for you: for any relationship to work, you both have to be on the same page -- you and he were not. You feared a major commitment, yet he felt you were simply rejecting him as a man. You weren't, but you didn't explain to him why you feel the way you do. That would mean giving him insight into your soul, but you have never let anyone get that close. So examine your wants, needs and inner fears. Try to understand why you are like you are. If you don't like what you see, make changes. I can assure you that you are going to get past this. There's a happy relationship in your future, but it won't happen overnight. You'll find a man who will be more sensitive and open -- this one definitely was not.
DEAR SUSAN: My friend just met a guy, got his apartment key in the first month, met his family and is now totally swept up in his life. He's already talking about putting her on his health plan. I'm thinking the guy might be a tad desperate. Should I be concerned? ALARMED
DEAR ALARMED: I think you are absolutely right to be concerned. I think he's showing very little logic. It's possible that he's just bowled over by her -- that does happen -- but it's unlikely in this case. So, stand by and be ready to support your friend. I think he will turn into a control freak and want to dictate her every move. In time, she will find the relationship claustrophobic. Right now, the sexual chemistry is blowing her mind, but time will bring her back with a bang -- and then she'll be desperate to get away from him.
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