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Relationship expert: Cheaters and self-worth
Intuitive counsellor to the jet-set fashion and music crowd, Susan King is always ready to offer her inspired insights.
By Susan King
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10 reasons it's great to be single
Q: I recently discovered that several years ago, my husband had a six-month affair. We had only been married for nine months at the time! I confronted him, but he denied it. He continued to lie to me until I showed him the emails that I had found. I don't trust him now, and I wonder if I should leave him, even though we have two kids together. What should I do?
Tired
Dear Tired: It's a bitter pill to swallow when something like this happens at any stage in a marriage, but after only nine months-when you're still in the honeymoon period-it's even harder. Trust is something that builds over time and can be destroyed in a second. I deeply sympathize with you. There are two ways to deal with this: You walk away, or you try to work it out. I think he is sorry about what happened and won't do it again, but he's too paralyzed by guilt to talk about it. The most important thing right now is to think about your two young children. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that you can work through this and come out on the other side-if you want to. I think that the fact you're unsure means that you want to give it a chance. You and your children have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Q: I've been dating my boyfriend for six months. Both of us are in our early 30s, and, overall, it's going well. Although I'm attracted to him, I've never felt that crazy lust you feel for someone when you first meet. The sex is good-but not amazing; I've had stronger sexual feelings for past boyfriends. But this guy is very kind, and he's good to me. I'd like to get married and have a family, but I'm not sure if he's the one. My family has always said "Look for someone with good character." Do you think it's possible for passionate feelings to grow?
Uncertain
Dear Uncertain: I don't think you'll find a kinder, more thoughtful man, but that isn't what floats your boat-I know it, and so do you. What will happen 10 years down the road? Will you feel that you've missed out on some wild sexual fling? Will you be tempted by the first bad boy you encounter? I suspect that this will be the case unless you come to terms with it now: You don't have to mess things up to realize that the man you're with is a real treasure. You don't have to make a choice right away. Give yourself time, and clarity will come. I can see you marrying this man before the end of 2009. As they say, you can't have every thing in life, but you can have the next best thing.
Sex or chocolate? ELLE asks the tough question
Photo by Norbert Mayer
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