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Make up or break up: How to tell if it's time to move on
Use our guidelines to help you decide whether your relationship is moving full steam ahead -- or going downhill fast
By Jessica Padykula
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Find out how to find true love with these secrets!
Don't let the small stuff stifle a good thing
No relationship is perfect, but sometimes we get so distracted by little things -- his penchant for flannel shirts or chronic inability to replace an empty toilet paper roll with a new one -- that we can't see we've got something good. If you find yourself ready to part ways over a series of minor annoyances, ask yourself if your complaints are legitimate, or just a way to feel more in control. "The person doing the complaining often has the power, or wants it," explains Belleghem.
Focusing on minor issues can also point to a fear of closeness or commitment, she says. If you like to dance and he doesn't, is that a good reason to break it off? Not if everything else is running smoothly. If you can compromise (go dancing with your girlfriends instead) maybe you should give things another chance. "Don't sweat the small stuff if the relationship on a whole is good," Belleghem says.
If everything else about your relationship is on track -- you trust each other, you're attracted to one another, you respect each other -- look at compromising on some of the little things you believe are holding you back from intimacy.
Bringing up the big guns
But don't ignore issues that won't go away either. "Good relationships are good deals," Belleghem says. If someone can't stick to little deals, such as a pick-up time or dinner plans, how will they handle more serious responsibilities such as mortgage payments or day-care drop-offs?
Pay attention to things that worry you on a deeper level. Some bigger issues to think about include:
• Standards of cleanliness – can you handle his mess forever?
• Parenting style – will you be forever fighting over how to discipline?
• Drugs and alcohol – is his habit more than casual, and can you deal?
• Financial responsibility – are you both contributing to savings?
If you know now that any of the above are already problematic, it may be time to sign off. "A relationship is about more than just romance. You also have to be able to handle responsibility together."
So if you're asking yourself that age-old question, "should I say or should I go?" take some time to really think about what you want and how you feel before making your big decision.
Find out what kind of sexy you are with this quiz!
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